Monday, September 14, 2009

Week 1 NCAA Bonus: What will your winning strategy be this year?

Wikipedia points out that a strategy is winning if the player following it must necessarily win, no matter what his opponent plays. Yes, I copied that correctly. I know... whatever. Nerds.

The Pick'em football season is long. To win you guys will need some sort of strategy. The following are your submissions for how you will make it out on top.

Dan (Fighting Farmers) is going to keep it simple by "picking the winners" (+1). Justin will be utilizing "alcohol" (+1). Bob (Los Tigeres) says, "I've learned over the years it's not really a pick, but a guess. So, I am going to guess better than everybody's picks" (+1). As a winning strategy, I do not endorse that... and neither does Gary (Six Six in Shoes). He proposes to "Try to figure out what Bob will pick, and do the opposite" (+1). Jess (I will beat Bob and Gary) seems to have a clear mission this year: "Doesn't take much to beat Bob and Gary, but I will continue to use the least amount of time to correctly pick the winning teams" (+1).

Amanda (The MotherLoad) subscribes to a similar mantra and said she will "pick the right teams and get more points that way" (+1). Makes sense. Kimsey (Suck it #15) is "actually sending in all of [her] picks. That should help" (+1). Agreed, but I'll still be looking forward to those 3AM cards. Jay (Demons) is going to "play the spread" (+1) and Amy/Carrie is going to "be aggressive" (+1). No fear, y'all. Dave (Bevo XIV) one ups the picking correctly idea with his strategy: "Use my Best Bets to maximize the bonus pointage. Wait...what? [grrrrr]" (+2). Sorry man... no Best Bets this year... and there is always someone who gets frustrated that the bonus points aren't worth jack until the end of the year.

Curtis (12 National Championships) proposes "to beat the f**k out of my fellow competitors. I am kinfolk to the schwam..." (+1). I admire the spunk. I know that comes from the right place. However, I have no idea how to decode Crystal (Beelzebubbles) strategy: "Rohypnol and prayer...and Sunny Brook Canadian Whiskey...are their Brooks in Canada?" (+2 I guess... I had to Google to find out that was the date rape drug. I'm not sure who is getting date raped, but let's go ahead and assume it is Cain).

Kevin (DonkeyStyle) dipped into his playbook for the equivalent of a wide receiver screen for a safe completion on his bonus question answer. His winning strategy will be to "eat as many EA filled kolaches as possible" (+2... first down... I still appreciate the classic EA kolache answer reset). Kirby (Mr. Smokey Pants) will use "sideline view (a newsletter) plus haiku" (+2... based on the assumption that we will be getting some haiku this year... otherwise I'm taking away a point). For those of you looking for some entertainment, Kirby polished off a sixer and then peppered TheFerm.org with haiku comments spanning almost all of the posts. There is a good chance that will be up for Top Moment in the first year of our drinking blog.

Chris (Novacain) swept the Pick'em contests last year. He clearly subscribes to the "if it ain't broke" idiom. He says he'll use "the same strategy I used last year! ;)" (+1). He also digs emoticons. I'm on board though, my (Ferments-A-Lot) strategy is to "Wait for Cain to pick, hack into the Google Doc results, and steal those picks" (+1). Rich knows Chris is the one to beat too, and he premeditates an assault in his prediction: "I am going to Gillooly Cain next time I see him on campus" (+2... nice use of Gillooly as a verb).

Kyle (Dallas D-Bags) delivered some imagery with his strategy. "My winning strategy is simple, I plan on getting all up in that a$$. I plan on stepping into everyone's a$$hole close the door behind me and spray paint, 'Kyle was Here.' I'm going to f*ck everyone's a$$hole up. I'm going to ball up some newspaper and throw it on the floor, eat Snickers and leave garbage effectively f*cking up that a$$hole. Get out, open it up again and leave it wide open so that everyone knows that I was there" (+3). Everyone without HBO now thinks Kyle is weirder than they previously thought.

If I had to pick a winning strategy (oh yeah... I do), the commissioner's office is endorsing Jon's (Naked Bootleggers) strategy. He will be "waiting until the night before picks are due, chugging a beer as fast as possible and blindly picking teams based on how my gut feels. And if I don't pick well this week I'll add an additional beer each week until my gut gets it right" (+3). Awesome. I may try that.

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