Skip to main content

Week 1 NCAA Bonus: What will your winning strategy be this year?

Wikipedia points out that a strategy is winning if the player following it must necessarily win, no matter what his opponent plays. Yes, I copied that correctly. I know... whatever. Nerds.

The Pick'em football season is long. To win you guys will need some sort of strategy. The following are your submissions for how you will make it out on top.

Dan (Fighting Farmers) is going to keep it simple by "picking the winners" (+1). Justin will be utilizing "alcohol" (+1). Bob (Los Tigeres) says, "I've learned over the years it's not really a pick, but a guess. So, I am going to guess better than everybody's picks" (+1). As a winning strategy, I do not endorse that... and neither does Gary (Six Six in Shoes). He proposes to "Try to figure out what Bob will pick, and do the opposite" (+1). Jess (I will beat Bob and Gary) seems to have a clear mission this year: "Doesn't take much to beat Bob and Gary, but I will continue to use the least amount of time to correctly pick the winning teams" (+1).

Amanda (The MotherLoad) subscribes to a similar mantra and said she will "pick the right teams and get more points that way" (+1). Makes sense. Kimsey (Suck it #15) is "actually sending in all of [her] picks. That should help" (+1). Agreed, but I'll still be looking forward to those 3AM cards. Jay (Demons) is going to "play the spread" (+1) and Amy/Carrie is going to "be aggressive" (+1). No fear, y'all. Dave (Bevo XIV) one ups the picking correctly idea with his strategy: "Use my Best Bets to maximize the bonus pointage. Wait...what? [grrrrr]" (+2). Sorry man... no Best Bets this year... and there is always someone who gets frustrated that the bonus points aren't worth jack until the end of the year.

Curtis (12 National Championships) proposes "to beat the f**k out of my fellow competitors. I am kinfolk to the schwam..." (+1). I admire the spunk. I know that comes from the right place. However, I have no idea how to decode Crystal (Beelzebubbles) strategy: "Rohypnol and prayer...and Sunny Brook Canadian Whiskey...are their Brooks in Canada?" (+2 I guess... I had to Google to find out that was the date rape drug. I'm not sure who is getting date raped, but let's go ahead and assume it is Cain).

Kevin (DonkeyStyle) dipped into his playbook for the equivalent of a wide receiver screen for a safe completion on his bonus question answer. His winning strategy will be to "eat as many EA filled kolaches as possible" (+2... first down... I still appreciate the classic EA kolache answer reset). Kirby (Mr. Smokey Pants) will use "sideline view (a newsletter) plus haiku" (+2... based on the assumption that we will be getting some haiku this year... otherwise I'm taking away a point). For those of you looking for some entertainment, Kirby polished off a sixer and then peppered with haiku comments spanning almost all of the posts. There is a good chance that will be up for Top Moment in the first year of our drinking blog.

Chris (Novacain) swept the Pick'em contests last year. He clearly subscribes to the "if it ain't broke" idiom. He says he'll use "the same strategy I used last year! ;)" (+1). He also digs emoticons. I'm on board though, my (Ferments-A-Lot) strategy is to "Wait for Cain to pick, hack into the Google Doc results, and steal those picks" (+1). Rich knows Chris is the one to beat too, and he premeditates an assault in his prediction: "I am going to Gillooly Cain next time I see him on campus" (+2... nice use of Gillooly as a verb).

Kyle (Dallas D-Bags) delivered some imagery with his strategy. "My winning strategy is simple, I plan on getting all up in that a$$. I plan on stepping into everyone's a$$hole close the door behind me and spray paint, 'Kyle was Here.' I'm going to f*ck everyone's a$$hole up. I'm going to ball up some newspaper and throw it on the floor, eat Snickers and leave garbage effectively f*cking up that a$$hole. Get out, open it up again and leave it wide open so that everyone knows that I was there" (+3). Everyone without HBO now thinks Kyle is weirder than they previously thought.

If I had to pick a winning strategy (oh yeah... I do), the commissioner's office is endorsing Jon's (Naked Bootleggers) strategy. He will be "waiting until the night before picks are due, chugging a beer as fast as possible and blindly picking teams based on how my gut feels. And if I don't pick well this week I'll add an additional beer each week until my gut gets it right" (+3). Awesome. I may try that.


Popular posts from this blog

P-F21: Week 10 NFL Bonus - Baseball is over, now what?

Losing baseball season isn’t like losing football, but it can still be a difficult event for some. While we are deprived of baseball season’s physical presence, we can still reconcile -- you know what, we’ll figure it out. Below are some ways you are honoring the memory or just moving right along. Sleep Astros! (AP): “Go to sleep on time during the week!” (3)  -- apparently you aren’t into MACtion Beelzebubbles (CC): “Now I can get some decent sleep during the work week” (3) More time for football 18 National Championships (CG): “Plenty of football and golf” (2) Bite a Kneecap Offs (RK): “MACtion!” (4) -- yes! Holiday, celebrate! Masks [ON]/OFF (RH): “Fried turkey, gravy and pie, oh my!!” (5) -- love this answer Swamp Dogs (DR): “Christmas!!! Put up that tree!” (3) Any (other) sport will do A Northmen (AN): “bout time to focus on the real sport, table tennis!!” (4) -- feels like a baseball slight T-Horns Fall (AM): “Water polo season is here” (4)  -- I'm on to you guys Hun

P-F21: Week 7 NFL Bonus: Best news of the year!

It’s a mad world. Let’s parse out some good. Everyone gets POSITIVE bonus scores! (One thing though. I forgot to add “in the NFL” to my bonus question, but maybe you guys behaved yourselves) A Northmen (AN): “Brittney's dad will no longer be her conservator! #freebritney” She went on with a bunch of crap about TSwift, but I’ll spare you. On Brit, of course, she should have the right the fk up her life. That’s great news! +4 T-Horns (AM): “Matt Jones developing earlier than expected.” Wait, are we talking about Mac Jones? +2? Astros! (AP): “OU/Texas coming to the SEC!” This is great news. See what happened is Texas got in OU’s head, then Texas “Trojan Horsed” their themselves in the SEC, where Texas will then ruin the SEC from the inside. +3 Buddy the Chimp (BC): “Bananas.” Buddy, you get bananas all the time. Dream bigger. +3 Cornholio's Bunghole (BO): “Just destroying America is not enough for Joe Biden, so he destroyed Afghanistan. I wonder what country will be ne

P-F21: Dear Future Self, These 21 Thoughts Are Why You Are Glad You Read the Official Pick'em Dash Football ’21 Annual Recruitment Post

1 I once watched this planetarium show on dark matter. I’m familiar with matter. I’m not saying current or future me could define it, but it is like -- stuff. However dark matter isn’t the dark stuff. Dark matter is like all the other stuff that we aren’t familiar with, and on top of that, apparently the universe contains an unknown amount of matter that we cannot observe! 2 Speaking of matter, small wins matter. Not only do small wins add up to major accomplishments, but small wins have also been shown to give enormous emotional boosts. (I think you see where I am going with this.) 3 Enough said. I am ready to sign up at 3, and I am ready to fill out the registration form . 4 Each year we play 4 games that are guaranteed to keep your weekends interesting from the end of August until mid-February. 5 Game #1: NCAA Pick’em (played against the spread) 15 games per week Games will list a point spread for you to pick against Contest represents approximately 1/3 of the registration pot; Both