Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

P-F10: Week 5 Cards

(updated 9/30/10 9:56 AM)

NCAA Pick'em

NFL Pick'em

P-F10: Week 4 NCAA Bonus Results - Mascot on Mascot Violence

After Rufus v. Brutus, I wasted a half hour or so on YouTube watching mascot fights. And if look up mascot fights, you are probably going to start watching related videos. And if you start watching related videos, you are going to eventually move on to animals fighting in the wild. And if you are watching videos of animals fighting in the wild, you are probably going to move on to videos of animals attacking people in cars. And if you are watching animals attacking people in cars, you will start watching big booty cheerleaders dancing. And if you are watching big booty cheerleaders dancing, you will most likely decide to make a Pick'em Bonus question asking which on-field costumed mascot would get his booty kicked by the opposing team's mascot.

The Match-ups:
Mike the Tiger vs The Mountaineer
  • ANo - Northmen: I'd say the LSU Tigers could give that ole Mountaineer a run for his money! (Actually there are a lot of little guys vs big buys here.)
    I have been to both cities and hung out on both campuses. One thing that each have in common is I can't understand a damn word that people from either place are saying. Just saying. (+2)
  • DW - Bevo XIV: I got that mountain man hick from Morgantown being mauled by Mike the Tiger.
    The mountain hick taps. (+2)
  • MF - One Man Wolfpack: I say the mountaineer guy has no chance against that ugly tiger from LSU.
    I thought all lions were boys and all tigers were girls? (+2) 

The Bearcat v. Boomer & Sooner
  • GN - Ferments-A-Lot: The costumed version of the retardedly named "Boomer" and "Sooner" miniature horsies would both get their faces ripped off by The Bearcat of Cincinnati. Sooners are literally named after historical cheaters, people who claimed land in the state before they were legally allowed to.  Must have been quite a disappointment when the family finally showed up. We are moving where? It's kind of like picking the wrong door in Let's Make a Deal.
  • KS - Large Donkey Circus: The f#cking OU wagon's a broke down hoopty piece of sh!t dragged by two donkeys and shouldn't be allowed on the field, if attacked it may kill itself out of embarrassment.
    Haha! But the wagon thing isn't the mascot. (+2)

Sparky vs The Oregon Duck
  • KW - The Swinging Richards: The Ducks, while they can fly away to avoid danger they have no other natural defenses.  Examples; Yellow Jackets Sting (ouch), Bears will eat you (sucks), Sun Devils use the power of the sun (strong), and Beavers will bite the sh*t out of you and smack you with their ping pong paddle tail.  Ducks can only fly away and make a terrible noise, and let's face it, we all done something we really wanted to do while an annoying noise was going on in the background.
    KW took the question quite literally. Good answer, but I'm guessing  you haven't seen video of a duck face humping a cougar. That's a thing. (+3)
  • JM - The Red Raiders: The Duck.
    See above. (+2)
  • JB - Pimp Possee: There is no way a Duck can win against a sun devil, just no way.
    Two words: face humping. (+2)
  • ANe - Accidental Champs: The Oregon Duck. If the Sun Devil wants you dead... I like duck.
    OK, that made me laugh. (+3)

Baldwin the Eagle vs Hokie Bird
  • BROTHER: KH - Smokey's Bandits: The Hokie . As senile principals say in Mandeville, if you hang with turkeys you can't soar like an eagle.
    The inspirational childhood quote vaults this from a +2 answer to a +4 one. (+4)
  • SISTER: KZ - Duffy: The Hokie because i don't know what it is.
    Everyone knows that a hokie is like a... well it's an umm... you know it's a gobbler. Hokie Hokie Hokie Hi, Solah-rex, Solah-rah. Ray Rah!! And stuff. Some advice, just because you don't know what something is does not make it weak. Signed, Lockjaw (+1)
    Also, how did you not use "Duffy" somewhere with this particular question?!?

Big Red vs Big Al

  • WH - The Cheerios: Crimson Tide, because even babies know that Saban sucks and smells like dirty diapers.
    While a good answer for a baby (how does he type these in?), the red wave is not the mascot. (+1)
  • CCa - Novacain: Costumed mascot?  Leaving out the animals is no fun.  I guess I'll go with the Alabama elephant - what that has to do with "Crimson Tide" I have no idea.  He just looks like a pushover, even against a piggy.
    Normally an elephant would squash a pig, even a wild one, but I have to agree that Big Al looks like a lover and not a fighter. (+2)
  • CG - 13 National Championships: An elephant will stomp a mud-hole in a pigs ass if push came to shove.
    I approve of the "stomp a mud-hole" use. If you've ever seen the video of a person "getting the pig," you'll know how uncomfortable even writing this sentence is. I'm now imagining that pig getting a mud-hole stomped in its @ss as being referred to in the future as "getting the Big Al." (+4)

Aubie vs Cocky
  • JH - Nothing to Lose: Gamecocks
    Not so fast my friend. (+1)

The Stanford Tree vs The Leprechaun
  • GF - Kentucky Snowman: It's hard to say but I would have to go so with a tree (Stanford) would have no chance of winning anything. even against a leprechaum.  Especially since the tree has no arms!!!
    Good point about the arms. This got me thinking, do leprechauns live in trees? Or is that just Keebler elves? (+3)
  • A-C - The Nine-Five: The leprechaun. I don't know if Stanford even has a mascot, but that little guy has got to go.
    A-C goes oppo on the tree/leprechaun fight. Who wins the battle of wits: GF or A-C? I know who I have my money on, and I definitely know who would win the battle of unintelligible words. (+2)
  • DC - Cacti3: A cardinal has no chance against a drunken irishman.
    The tree takes out the drunken irishman while he has his wang out and is relieving himself... IMHO. (+1)
  • JN - Naked Bootleggers: The Stanford tree has little chance against the Irishman from ND.  Didn't the Irish help pave the way across this land by cutting down large trees such as the "El Palo Alto"?  I think history repeats itself here.
    Historical references. Unexpected from an okie. (+4)
  • MN - Football is Fun: That Stanford tree thing.
    Those trees in Lord of the Rings were bad @ss warriors though. (+2)
  • RK - BlitzKrieg: Once that little leprechaun gets some Irish whiskey in him, he'd probably go Fargo on the sad homemade Stanford Tree by jamming it in a wood chipper.
    I hear the leprechaun likes to get it jammed in his wood chipper. (+3)

Benny vs Buster Bronco
  • CCo - Beelzebubbles: Tee hee. Why the beaver of course... ya ever seen a bronco's hippity hopper? Whoa!
    Strong. (+4)

Hook'em vs Joe Bruin
  • Lo - WhooDat4Life: VA TECH hokie would be first bet but after careful consideration I'm always into the idea of Bevo getting his ass kicked anywhere anyhow.   So how about they all jump Bevo!
    I would give you zero points for irritating the commissioner, but that's not how I roll. Instead, you get hit with a technicality since Bevo is not a costumed mascot and this isn't a cage match, it's a one-on-one. (+1)

The Nittany Lion vs Hooter
  • AP - Gig'em: I'm going with the Nittany Lions over the Temple Owls...unless of course the owls are part of that new movie, Legend of The Guardians!
    Geeze... Owls these days... (+3) By the way, you missed the chance to make a hooters reference. Just saying.

DD did a countdown, so he gets a special section:

DD - Dave's Bonus: A target-rich environment... so much material so little time...

#5 The Ducks seem like an obvious choice here, but Sun Devils? They used to be called the Normals.  What kind of mascot is that!?

#4 The Beavers against the Broncos? The Beavers... need i say more?

#3 I'd love to take a bulldog here, but that would be dog on dog crime? Nope.  No Vicktory there.

#2 Tough call here.  The Temple Owls or the Stanford Cardinal.  Normally i'd go with the anemic, blind, flying only at night, killing only mice bird mascot, but Cardinal!?!  They named their mascot after a freaking tree!?! Cardinal is our runner up.

but the #1 least likely winner... the envelope please...

That's right, the Sooners.  And why you ask... why else... because they named their mascot after the single greatest group of cheaters in history.  They can't possibly win.  Especially with Stoops at the helm.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

P-F10: Week 4 NFL Results

(updated 9/30/10 9:57 AM)  

No matter what happens today, Cowboy fans will still annoy me. It's cool, but just saying.

(click link below to see the full scorecard)

No, how *YOOUU* doin'.

This... funny.

The rest of the Texans game... not so funny... to me at least.

For the record, 1-2 Cowboy fans aren't nearly as bad as I thought they would be. I think they have too many issues with their own team to be bothered with what I think of mine. 

Point summaries for Week 4:
The Kentucky Snowman (GF) had a HUGE week (13) against STIFF competition (9.6 avg) that CLIMAXED with a him becoming the new leader (+3 spots). Well done... have a smoke.

Weekly Stats:

Weekly Winner(s): GF - Kentucky Snowman (13) +3 bonus points
NFL dubs (12+): GF (13), DC  +3 bonus points
Bonus Question: Texas or Cowboys. ANSWER: Cowboys. DW, KH, KS, GF, CCo, DD, JM, JN, MN, ANe, RK +10
Paid: KW, DW, KH, WH, KZ, KS, JN, ANe, Lo, AP +1

2Do List:

Monday, September 27, 2010

P-F10: Week 4 NCAA Results

(updated 9/29/10 3:25 PM)  

Ugh. Still drinking the day away. But just for the kids, I'm updating today's scores.

I got a text from KW after UCLA spanked Texas' arse on our home field. I was walking from the stadium back to my tailgate. After rubbing it in, he says: "I'm not trying to rub it in, I just know how it feels to lose... a lot." But I don't think Aggies really know how it feels. My people aren't used to sucking. :)

Anyway, maybe my picks were good this week.......... crrraaaaap.

(click link below to see the full scorecard)

No, how *YOU* doin'.

Point summaries for Week 4:
Being the frontrunnering smack talker that I am, I won't bag on a lot of people this week for their performances. I may have noticed that only 4 of the 25 players in our league scored above .500 with their picks. Gary's (GF) 3 kind of stands out, but it's forgivable given Curtis' (CG) 2. Two of Fifteen. But it's cool, because Curtis can just point at the scoreboard, re-count Bama's national championships, and mention their current run to back-to-back MNC's.

On a positive note, Will (WH) is half the age of Curtis' Week 4 pick total, but doubled the average score for the week and outscored the next closest competitor by 4. Very strong.

Kyle (KW) still holds the top spot with a two pick lead.

Weekly Stats:

Weekly Winner(s): The Cheerios - WH +3 bonus points
NCAA dubs (10+): WH (12) +3 bonus points
Bonus Question: Of the teams on the card this week, which on-field costumed mascot has the least chance of winning if attacked by the opposing mascot?
Paid: KW, DW, KH, WH, KZ, KS, JN, ANe, Lo, AP +1

Fading Las Vegas:
If only this was real money. These represent my "best bets" for Week 4.
  1. Georgia +2 @ Mississippi St.: $100.00 - Because I'm a Texas fan, I'm now a Georgia fan. Keep your hands off of our Muschamp, UGA.
    Result: Georgia 12, Miss St. 24. fk, UGA licks balls. Also, I'm reminded for the 637th time not to bet with my heart. LOSS!
  2. Temple +16.5 @ Penn St.: $250.00 - If joining a realistic fantasy betting site isn't the gateway drug to being a full fledged gambling degenerate, betting on Temple football is.
    Result: Temple 13, Penn St.22. It's only a problem when you lose. WIN!!
  3. Stanford -4 @ Notre Dame: $400.00 - Per DW's advice, "pick Stanford every week." I did.
    Result: Tree 37, Touchdown Jesus 14. At this moment, it's Stanford +7 @ Oregon for week 5. Whoa. Anyway, for Week 4, it's a WIN!!
Bankroll (and head) getting fatter (username = sirron).

2Do List:

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

P-F10: Week 4 Cards

(updated 9/22/10 7:55 PM)

NCAA Pick'em

NFL Pick'em

P-F10: Week 3 NFL Bonus Results - Catch?

Is this a catch?

The refs say no. You say...
  • YES. ANo - Northmen: It was totally a catch, give me a break. Hey Ref...TSO...TSO...TSO! (TSO... nice. +2)
  • ???. - GN - Ferments-A-Lot: This crap is exactly why I wish the NFL had instant replay. Oh wait. (How do I objectively score myself? +2)
  • NO.  KW - The Swinging Richards: OK, here's the deal, CJ should have focused a little more on showing off how awesome he catch the ball by show boating the ball over his head in his hand instead of just dropping it and running off.  This is the NFL, you have rules to follow, you have to do everything you can and give every effort to do what you can to demonstrate that you maintained control throughout the play.  Others in the league should learn from CJ's mistake.  Incomplete. (Kyle hates showboating, but you should see him dance after breaking wind... no wait, that's me. +2)
  • NO. DW - Bevo XIV: No catch according to the rule.  However, the rule should be changed.  Hedging I know, it hearkens back to the 2008 BCS, the rules were the rules.  The problem in that case wasn't the rule (as it wasn't changed) it was stupid voters in other time zones who ranked OU higher than Texas for no defensible reason.  But I digress... (Digressing is encouraged here. +2)
  • YES. KH - Smokey's Bandits: Undoubtedly (... and Kirby is a lawyer, so he's an expert in doubt. +2)
  • YES. WH - The Cheerios: Yes.  The ref smells worse than my post-pear poopy diaper. (What about the post-prune ones? +2)
  • N/A. KZ - Duffy: The link does not work! So, plus 3 for me 0 for you right?? (You gotta copy/paste it into the address bar. +1 for laziness)
  • YES. CCa - Novacain: He clearly demonstrates possession, he's in bounds, then he's down.  Then the ball comes out.  If this were in the middle of the field we'd hear "the ground can't cause a fumble" and he'd be ruled down.  Leave it to the Lions to find a new way to win.  I'm sure Rich was surprised by none of this. (Pretty spot on, including the Rich part, IMHO. +2)
  • YES. KS - Large Donkey Circus: Catch 22 (+2 for creativity... at least I'm assuming.)
  • N/A. JH - Nothing to Lose: No answer ( points. +0)
  • ???. GF - Kentucky Snowman: If I watch it in slo mo it looks like a catch but watch it in real time it is a dropped ball. In real time the roll over is a continued momentum and he then lost control of the ball.  NO TD.  CJ has been in the league long enough to know "SECURE THE BALL".  He didn't do it no TD. EVEN THOUGH HE PROBABLY CAUGHT IT.  HIS DUMB@SS SHOWBOATING COST A TOUCHDOWN. (ALRIGHT. +2)
  • YES. A-C - The Nine-Five: Yes. The fix was in. (Vegas runs everything in sports. +2)
  • YES. CCo - Beelzebubbles: The answer is yes. I have no Air conditioner and so Its real hard for me to think....have mercy (Hot. +2)
  • NO. DC - Cacti3: After seeing this a bunch of times -at first it looked like a catch -but now i say no. (After seeing it a bunch of times, the replay officials also agree with you. +2)
  • YES- DD - Dave's Bonus: Duh! of course it's a catch, but they didn't take it away because of the rule.  They took it away because he plays for Detroit. (which is totally valid in my mind. +2)
  • ???. CG - 13 National Championships: Total catch but rules are rules son!!! Now if that was Colston and my Saints that got f'd, I'd go postal... (I'm confused if the catch or the rules are the answer. Either way, I like this answer. +2)
  • YES. JM - The Red Raiders: YES (+1)
  • YES. JB - Pimp Possee: yes (+1)
  • YES. JN - Naked Bootleggers: Of course that is a catch! Two hands controlling the ball while two feet down and then after his flop he had a knee down while still controlling the ball, with an impressive palming.  It was only after he was on on the ground that he let go of the ball to celebrate. (I am pretty jealous of the palming skeelz actually. +2)
  • NO. MN - Football is Fun: Obviously not.  he didn't maintain control when he hit the ground. (Tell that to KH, lawyer in training. +2)
  • NO. ANe - Accidental Champs: No Catch. The refs got it right, Calvin Johnson was just trying to play it off because he knows the ground knocked the ball out of his hand. (I'm positive that it crossed his mind. +2)
  • YES. MF - One Man Wolfpack: Definitely, I can't view it but I take it this is the Calvin Johnson play? (Good guess. +2)
  • YES. Lo - WhooDat4Life: Clearly a catch was made but he got up too damn quickly to celebrate.  He deserved the TD but I guess there's some karma involved LOL. (If he had only rubbed the Buddha belly more. +2)
  • NO. AP - Gig'em: I wish they would have counted it as a catch...he clearly made the catch and had control. BUT...according to the's not. Even the Lions agree that it was NOT a catch based on the rule book. They need to change the rule book. I know that's what everyone is saying...but it's true. (So I'm going to count this in the NO column. +2)
There really was no way that Rich was not going to "win" this bonus question. I wrote it with him in mind.
  • YES. RK - BlitzKrieg: Absolutely a catch and a misapplication or poor interpretation of the rule.  Rule 8, Section 1, Article 3, Item 1 of the NFL Rule Book states:
    “if a player goes to the ground in the act of catching a pass (with or without contact with an opponent), he must maintain control of the ball after he touches the ground, whether in the field of play or the end zone. If he loses control of the ball, and the ball touches the ground before he regains control, the pass is incomplete. If he regains control prior to the ball touching the ground, the pass is complete.” 
    Calvin caught the ball with two hands, planted two feet, palmed it in his right hand while showing the side judge who then declares a touchdown, landed on his ass cheek, sorted his mail, baked a cake, put his left wrist down, then goes to push himself up with the ball (that is still palmed in his right hand), whereupon he leaves the ball on the ground as he tries to find a teammate to celebrate with.  Perhaps he should have been more selfish like Terrell Owens or Chad Johnson and attempted some silly dance or other convoluted celebration.  I prefer handing the ball to the ref as Barry used to do, but considering the importance of the play and the excitement of the moment, I can understand wanting to celebrate with teammates immediately.  I would also like to mention that the arrogance of the competition committee -- Bill Polian specifically -- in the aftermath of this travesty of justice was disgusting.  If you haven't seen the NFL Total Access interview yet, it is worth a watch. Rich Eisen subtly shows what a mockery the rule is with video clips of other supposed applications of R8S1A3I1.  Good man that Eisen. (+3)

Catch pie

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

P-F10: Week 3 NFL Results

(last updated 9/22/10 7:55 PM)

Ron Mexico was QB1 this week.

I'm #1 b!tches
(click link below to see the full scorecard)

Gig'em is NFL-Pick'em-1, b!tches. What you see right there is the leaderboard (below).

Point summaries for Week 3:
Nothing really stands out to me except that five of you were outscored by a baby (WH, 7)! Gig'em (AP) didn't score 14 this week, but he filed a nice 10 of 16, which was good enough to stay on the top of the leaderboard. For those of you that are in to this kind of thing, Aggies hold the top spots in each contest.

Weekly Stats:

Weekly Winner(s): CG - 13 National Championships (12) +3 bonus points
NFL dubs (12+): CG (2nd straight week)  +3 bonus points
Bonus Question: Catch? (Results to be posted)
Paid: KW, KH, WH, KZ, KS, JN, ANe, Lo +1

Some thoughts while watching football this weekend:
  • Mike Vick *is* #1. Damn.
  • AP is a beast. He is forgiven for going to OU. Every kid makes a bad decision or two when growing up.
  • Dallas loses at home to a mediocre Bears team... falls to 0-2.
  • Seedless grapes are great, but then how do they make more baby grapes?
  • VY may screw up a lot, but it turns out Collins is worse. How many fkn years does it take before Fischer understands this? 3 years? WTF?!
  • By the way, they might want to have VY on suicide chicken wing watch tonight. Just saying.
  • Checking on hotels in Dallas right now. Texans two and oh. 
2Do List:

      P-F10: Week 3 NCAA Results

      (updated 9/22/10 2:09 PM)  

      FWIW, I semi-live blogged my game watching experience this Saturday.

      (click link below to see the full scorecard)

      Scroll down to see it in the live blog post. The top 5 spots stayed the same. Dave's Bonus (DD) and Bevo XIV (DW) were the biggest gainers, moving up 9 spots each. Football is Fun (MN) was the biggest loser, losing 12 spots... mostly because of a 4 of 15 week with the picks.

      Point summaries for Week 3:
      Five of you guys tied for the top score this week, unfortunately no one scored over 9 of 15 picks. After a commissioner screw-up in entering the MSU/ND score, Bevo XIV (DW) won the week with the only double digit card (10)... h/t RK on the mistake. It was a tough week for picks ATS this week and a huge difference compared to the scores we saw in Week 2.

      The Swinging Richards (KW) still sits on top.

      Weekly Stats:

      Weekly Winner(s): DW, WH, CCo, DD, AP (9) +3 bonus points
      NCAA dubs (10+): DW +3 bonus points
      Bonus Question: Which team on the card will score the most points this week? Answer: Stanford (68). KH, KS +2
      Paid: KW, KH, WH, KZ, KS, JN, ANe, Lo +1

      2Do List:

      Monday, September 20, 2010

      The Weekend That Was - NFL Edition (September 19, 2010): Wrastlin'

      last updated  9/20/10 4:23 PM

      Welcome to TWTW, Wrestling edition, er I mean NFL edition.

      Look closely at these videos. Looks fake to me.


      The Weekend That Was - NCAA Edition (September 18, 2010): Losing Builds Character

      last updated  9/21/10 11:59 PM

      Welcome to another week of TWTW, NCAA edition. I spent the entire day watching 4 to 5 TVs simultaneously. It was man-tastic. I didn't take a picture, but I attempted to build a TV tray and pillow fortress around my La-z Boy, but the kids still found a way to infiltrate. ARG!

      I updated the website throughout the day, but below are a few items I missed.

      Now kids, cheaters never for some reason always win, but losing builds character.
      What an awesome play... too bad time had already run out. Does that disqualify it for an ESPY?

      And to prove to you guys that cheating is wrong, God struck MSU head coach Mark Dantonio with a heart attack after the game. He should have told the refs the truth. Just saying.

      Speaking of the ESPYs...
      This shouldn't have counted either. A puppy died after this dishonesty. Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I don't make these kind of karmic micro-managerial decisions. Alls I'm saying is that it looks like the ground helped this catch just a little.

      Mascots Gone Wild
      I want to thank whoever shot this video. This mascot fracas never gets old. It has to be the heads. If you put giant heads on UFC fighters, I'd probably pay to view that.

      Want to see a duck sit on a cougar's head?

      You won't see that in the wild. Just sayin'.

      And then there was that time when the Hornets played the bees. That sh!t was bananas.

      Saturday, September 18, 2010

      P-F10: Week 3 Pick'em Dash Center

      I'll be home all day today, so this post will be your exclusive conclusive single place to mingle about the goings on during the college football day that is the 18th of September, 2010.

      Or just check out the scoreboard, yo.
      (click link below to see the full scorecard)

      Check out what is hap'nin on the Leaderboard.

      8:18 AM: DW reminds us of the reason to watch the Gameday preshow on ESPN U: EAPMF
      9:01 AM: ESPN has been using the same song for College Gameday since at least 2005 (that's as far back as I can remember). Are Big & Rich even together anymore. I once heard Big say that he would kill for country. Maybe Rich was like, "whoa dude, I just like to entertain, be mysterious, and get that paper." And the Cowboy Troy character? He be rhyming all the clock. He gets in on till the break of morning.

      I really miss Bubba Sparxxx's customized weekly song, and I'm going to post my feelings about ESPN's crappy intro every year until someone at ESPN Googles "awesome gameday intro," finds this blog, and pitches the idea of bringing Bubba Sparxxx back to management. It will be a great story. He'll get promoted, become a millionaire, and his kids will live a privileged life. He'll probably never come back here and give me credit (I get it), but when I see that Bubba Sparxxx intro next year, I'll know. Just saying.

      A 2003 College Gameday intro

      11:05 AM: This is the TV plan for the day. I'll be busy.

      2:30 PM: Holy crap Georgia. If your crapiness costs me a Muschamp, I'm going to... well I haven't decided yet, but you can bet it is going to be BIG and involve goobers.

      Five games on the card are on TV at once right now. I've only got 4 TVs in the living room. Mo' football, mo' problems.

      2:50 PM: Vandy - 28, Ole Miss 14. Vandy coach gets a Gatorade bath. (coach's first conference win... was an assistant for 30 years... Vandy hasn't won a conference game in the last 10 previous).
      Week 3 Gatorade Bath
      3:30 PM: I've got 250 FLV dollars on Baylor +21 against TCU.
      3:42 PM: TCU up 7-0. Fk.
      3:55 PM: TCU up 14-0. 2 possessions, 80 and 73 yards. Baylor... dance mthrfkrs!
      4:10 PM: TCU up 21-3. Bleep bleepit Baylor.
      4:30 PM: TCU up 28-3. I'm done. No more updates. That's 250 pretend dollars wasted.

      4:40 PM: This just happened.

      5:18 PM: I'm watching 5 games simultaneously. Wisconsin is the best (only close) one. Sad.

      5:48 PM: Lane fkn Kiffin goes for 2 TWICE after scoring... misses both.... USC 2 pts short of covering. @$$hole.

      6:14 PM: Via ESPN - Alabama finished the day with over 600 yards of total offense -- more than 1/3 mile. Daaayaamn.

      Also in @ss whooping news:
      6:29 PM: TCU 45, Baylor 10. RG3, you are dead to me, but not like in a Florida Gator style "time to die" kind of way, only in a I'm not picking your team to cover sh!t anymore.

      6:45 PM: This is unconfirmed, but I just heard over the internets that the fighting texas a&m aggies are the only FBS team to not be on TV in the first 3 weeks of the season. Unrealz.

      7:00 PM: Active FLV wagers.
      Baylor +21 ($250)
      Texas -3 ($500) ==> winner winner chicken dinner
      Boise St/Wyoming over  52.5 ($250) ==> winner! (Boise almost covered the over themselves!)
      Houston -3 ($550) ==> oh man... not good.

      10:38 PM: Drunk. Happy.

      Wednesday, September 15, 2010

      P-F10: Week 3 Cards

      (updated 9/15/10 9:57 PM)
      NFL Pick'em
        NCAA Pick'em

        P-F10: Week 2 NCAA Bonus Results - Fun with Analogies

        According to some really smart educators, analogies are excellent thinking activities. This may be why you hate them so much.

        The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as…

        What would you fill in that analogy with? What the heck does that even mean? Whatever your answer, you get an A on this test. If you filled in something, I'm going to assume that little hamster in your head got the propoer amount on exercise in the wheel (+2). My subjective favorite got +3. Feel free to pick your favorite in the comment section. Gooooo brains!
        • Northmen - ANo: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… the Big XII is to Bevo. 
        • Ferments-A-Lot - GN: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… a dog is to a chain. 
        • The Swinging Richards - KW: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… the Norris family is to Texas Tech.  They are both located in the same state but neither wants to admit it.
        • Smokey's Bandits - KH: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… Richard Gere is to Gerbil. 
        • Kentucky Snowman - GF: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… Coach Bob is to Albert Einstein or Steven Hawkins. 
        • The Nine-Five - A-C: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… the Rice University Marching Band is to Looney Tunes. 
        • Beelzebubbles - CCo: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… bluffin is to the muffin.
        • Nothing to Lose - JH, Gig'em - AP, & The Cheerios - WH: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… Big 12 is to Mighty Mouse. 
        • Duffy - KZ & Dave's Bonus - DD: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… the PAC-10 is to Goofy. 
        • Football is Fun - MN: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… the PAC-10 is to Minnie Mouse.
        • Novacain - CCa: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… the Big Ten is to Minnie Mouse.
        • Large Donkey Circus - KS: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… the Big 12 is to Minnie Mouse.
        • WhooDat4Life - Lo & The Red Raiders - JM: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… a peice of crap is to a fly. 
        • Naked Bootleggers - JN: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… Obama is to community organizer. 
        • Accidental Champs - ANe: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… Lucy is to Ricky Ricardo.  
        • BlitzKrieg - RK: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… Bill Parcells is to Matt Millen.

        And the winning analogy: 
        • Bevo XIV - DW: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as… the Big XII is to Mickey Mantle.  The SEC and the vermin are the cute, favorite, of the media despite having pretty much no substance other than cute laughs and chants (S-E-C vs. MIC-KEY MOUSE...). Meanwhile the Big XII and The Mick are rough and tumble, gets drunk, fights, pukes on your shoes, and still hits a 2 run home run in the morning.

        Tuesday, September 14, 2010

        P-F10: Week 2 NFL Bonus Results - Two MNF games... OMG WTF?

        In the most confusing Pick'em bonus question since the once popular "What did Gary mean when he said...", we got a variety of answers (and some non-answers).

        This week the NFL treated us with two Monday Night Football games. The "question" prompted you to take a side:
        1. OMG I just j'ed in my p's
        2. WTF, one is enough

        Ha! You thought this was an open ended bonus question. I really enjoyed your responses, but I want to let you know, there is only one correct answer: One is enough. Seriously, the second game was the clear dog. Sure, we had an upset, but who the fk cares!? Honestly, who was even up? After midnight thirty and my fifth (or so... who really counts past four), I accidentally fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, I forgot there even was a 2nd game. It wasn't until an hour or so ago that I went and added the score to our Pick'em Scorecard. Let's get games on more weekday evenings, but we don't need an evening double header ON A FKN SCHOOL NIGHT. +3 Just sayin'. :)

        Here is what you said:
        • Northmen - AN: Love Love Love It! Go Jets!! (Wrong! ...and you didn't watch either game... and the Jets sucked. +1 for trying)
        • The Swinging Richards - KW: First off, who the crap is singing the Star Spangled Banner in New Orleans, and who is the goof ball that needs a haircut playing guitar? (Maybe you don't know how this works. *I* ask the questions here. And it was Colbie Caillat. Do I get points for that? +1)
        • Bevo XIV - DW: Dude, we're so old I'd be lucky to make it through the first game. (Don't we trust you with NASA sh!t? +1)
        • Smokey's Bandits - KH: OMG, whenever they do this, coincidentally the 2nd game sucks. (Word. Good answer. +2)
        • The Cheerios - WH: Both are past my bedtime anyway.... (My wife's too. +2)
        • Duffy - KZ: Football on T.V is always good for me because it brings more business into the bar which means more money for me. So, the more games the better! (Wrong! But you are right, double the games means double the bar tab for me. +1)
        • Novacain - CCa: One is enough. Who has time to watch college football on Saturday, NFL on Sunday, and then another 6 hours of games Monday night?  It's even harder when the games don't start until Tuesday morning where I'm currently living...and require a ridiculously expensive online package to watch. (Right! But whoa, watch it with the NCAA talk. There isn't enough football on TV on Saturday. +2)
        • Large Donkey Circus - KS: Well i definitely say the more the merrier except the chiefs are featured in one game and watching the chiefs well is like watching the big 12 - no defense and no talent..... (Right! +2. Hold up, wait. Wrong!! -1)
        • Let Us Prey - RH: (No card. +0)
        • Nothing to Lose - JH: Two MNF games...just bring back Lost and 24 and skip the second game. (DAMNIT!!! +1)
        • Kentucky Snowman - GF: They are showing two sh!t games.  I guess if you combine them, it will make for at least one good game. (What football fan before the game thought Jets/Ravens was a sh!t game? No credit for that. +1)
        • The Nine Five - A-C: OMG.  Who doesn't love late night?  Totally awesome idea. (Wrong! See explanation above. +1)
        • Beelzebubbles - CCo: The only one that counts is the one with Mark Sanchez.  I tend to love him a little. I like green. I've been to New York. Money is green. Mark is Money. (Trading T.O. for a new model? +2)
        • Cacti3 - DC: Not a clue ( to score that. +0)
        • Dave's Bonus - DD: One unwatchable game is bad enough.  Definitely don't need two. (How did everyone know that first game was going to suck so bad? Because seriously, it did suck donkey wang. I just don't know you guys knew it beforehand. +1)
        • 13 National Championships - CG: I have no idea what the question but that second game is schwag. I'll be passed out before kickoff. Go Ravens. I'm tired of Hard Knocks and the dirty sanchez... (Correct! +2)
        • The Red Raiders - JM: It's awesome!! Less games on Direct TV the better in my book. They should have 2 games every Monday and Thursday. (Ah sh!t. You make a good argument. But here is the deal. If I say you are right, then I have to go back and rewrite this whole post and all my responses. Not gonna happen. +2 for a good answer, -1 for suggesting that I throw away my whole post 3/4 of the way through.)
        • Pimp Possee - JB: Yes i do like a double header in more ways than 1..... (I think I see where you are going with that, and +2 for not suggesting I throw away my whole post 3/4 of the way through.)
        • Naked Bootleggers - JN: One is enough, who really wants to stay up that late to watch the Chiefs play? (Correct! We are getting back on track here. +2)
        • Football is Fun - MN: I'm pissed off that there aren't 3!  My wife isn't, however.... (+3 for being your own man. -1 for being wrong.)
        • Accidental Champs - ANe: Some would say 'all things in moderation', but I just had to endure nearly 8 months of NASCAR, baseball, golf, and who knows what other kinds of football-less sporting events. An extra game on a Monday seems like a great way to kickstart the season!! (+1000 for paraphrasing a biblical proverb in a Pick'em league, -2 for being on the wrong side of the answer, but +3 for being pumped about the season starting, and -999 for lumping NASCAR into that answer.)
        • BlitzKrieg - RK: Why not three or four?  They do not all have to be nationally televised, but those of us with the Ticket would get to see their choice of games.  Since I am stuck watching the Lions get pummeled (or screwed) in the 1pm slot every Sunday, moving a couple of the Sunday early starts to Monday would allow me to see quality teams play each other more often.  That is what it is all about, eh? (+4 for the best answer this week. -1 for DirectTV and NFL's exclusive deal.
        • One Man Wolfpack - MF: 2's better than 1 (Wrong! For example, two murder cases is worse than just one. +1)
        • WhooDat4Life - Lo: WTF??  Aren't we too FN old to talk like this? (Wrong! We are never too old for a parody. In fact, the spoof is funnier the more out of character it is. Sorry. +0)
        • Gig'em - AP: J'ed in my sho! (This is funny to me because I imagine that you may actually say that. +2. But, wrong! -1)
        Thanks for playing... see you next time.

        P-F10: Week 2 NFL Bonus Results - Favorite & Least Favorite Teams

        Similar to the NCAA contest, everyone cashed in on the bonus points last week (+2) by filling out the bonus questions. That is, everyone but Bob, who decided to take Week 2 off to blow dry his hair.

        Who you like?

        P-F10 Favorite Teams

        P-F10 Least Favorite Teams

        Extra Credit:
        • Bevo XIV - DW: Favorite Team = Oilers (I'm not sure if Dave meant the Oilers or he just doesn't recognize that they are now the Titans) noteworthy, but +0
        • Nothing to Lose - JH: Least Favorite Team = Any team with TO (I just added this b/c I felt like Crystal would disapprove of cousin Jess' response) +1
        • BlitzKrieg - RK: Least Favorite Team = NFL Officials. (You and all other Detroit fans) +1

        P-F10: Week 2 NFL Results

        (updated 9/15/10 10:07 AM)  

        The Texans beat the Colts. Time to book a hotel room in Dallas y'all.

        (click link below to see the full scorecard)

        One leader... twenty-five followers.

        Point summaries for Week 2:
        Gig'em (AP) scored more picks in one NFL week than two weeks against the spread in NCAA. He also picked the Chiefs to be the Chargers and the Texans to beat the Colts. Either he's got his finger on the pulse or we'll have a new leader next week. :)

        Weekly Stats:

        Weekly Winner(s): AP - Gig'em (14) +3 bonus points
        NFL dubs (12+): GN, KZ, GF, CG, AP (14)  +3 bonus points
        Bonus Questions: 1 & 2. Favorite and least favorite teams. 3. Two MNF games (Results to be posted)
        Paid: KW, KH, WH, KZ, KS, JN, ANe, Lo +1

        2Do List:

        P-F10: Week 2 NCAA Results

        (updated 9/14/10 3:02 PM)  

        I sweated for 11 hours today. No lie. But you are probably more interested in scores.

        (click link below to see the full scorecard)

        This will show up each week in these results posts until someone at Google answers my question about why it the code doesn't work in the right column of the blog anymore. I'm leaving the scar error over to the right in protest... and because I'm stubborn.

        Point summaries for Week 2:
        Duffy (KZ) was thuggin it and lovin it this college football weekend. She went DUFFY on her picks, scoring 13 of 15 correct against the spread! I've been running this thing for a decade, and I can tell you that this kind of accuracy is very rare... like maybe once in a year. If you want something to shoot for though, don't set your goals too low. Amanda aka AN aka Northmen aka Teach aka the wife has scored the only perfect 15 of 15 that I can remember... and she's done it twice! The first of those two was a perfect weekend, with 16 of 16 NFL games as well. Straight up duffy.

        The Swinging Richards (KW) is cowing it and goating it on at the top of the leaderboard after a 2nd straight 12 point card. Rookie picker WhooDat4Life (Lo) also filed a 12 point card.

        Gary, you are now 11 points back of first place. Time to begin that comeback, eh?

        Weekly Stats:

        Weekly Winner(s): KZ - Duffy (13) +3 bonus points
        NCAA dubs (10+): KZ (13), KW (12, 2nd straight), Lo (12), KH (11), KS (11, 2nd straight), CG (11), Ane, MF,  +3 bonus points
        Bonus Question: The SEC is to Mickey Mouse as... (Results to be posted)
        Paid: KW, KH, WH, KZ, KS, JN, ANe, Lo +1

        2Do List:

        Monday, September 13, 2010

        The Weekend That Was - NFL Edition (September 12, 2010): The Worst Word

        last updated  9/15/10 10:22 AM

        I spent most of Sunday in the car, but thank goodness for XM/Sirius radio. Did you know that they are the preferred satellite radio company of the NFL? Did you know that they are the only satellite radio company? /ad wizards

        The Worst Word
        Bernard Pollard is a bad @$$ man. I don't mind having him on my hometown team, as long as he isn't the gateway drug to becoming the Cowboys or Bengals. The very worst part about this play isn't that Pollard shouts some obsenities (I yelled the same thing at the refs in Austin on Saturday... twice), it's that the dude with his finger on the button completely missed the dump. You have 7 mthrfking seconds, mthrfker!

        Cuss the NFL
        So apparently the Lions were robbed of a win. There are several videos out there that show the play, but I like this one. (more worst words, just warning)

        He's either double jointed or...

         ...aah sh!t

        favorite Deadspin comment:
        "Where is your underwear, Connor? What will the ER people think?" - Mrs. Barwin

        Treasure Chest Trunk
        I would be remiss if I failed to mention the following news item. I consider these weekly posts not only a sampling of the week that was in football, but also a handy archive to relive the football season. You'll likely look back at this post and appreciate that I tried to cover the most interesting news of the week. Take a seat. Rest your rear end. We had some badonkadonk news this week. Just reporting, not taking sides.

        Mmmm. Accent.

        The Weekend That Was - NCAA Edition (September 11, 2010): Hot As Balls

        last updated  9/13/10 4:10 PM

        I watch a lot of football, however, I normally choose to watch, drink, etc. instead of taking notes for a blog post. However, I also read a lot of Internets and listen to a lot of sports radio. Each week I'll try to drop a few items that I found interesting on the weekend or heard about afterward.


        "That's gonna air again, I got a feeling"
        It was hot as balls in Austin, TX this weekend, I can tell you first hand. But my words probably don't do justice to how hot it really was. Check out the video of Jim Knox for a visual.

        The Pammies
        My pick for Pammy of the week (from Awful Announcing)
        "James Madison's best work since the Federalist Papers." -- Rece Davis

        Wednesday, September 8, 2010

        P-F10: Week 1 NCAA Bonus Results - Favorite & Least Favorite Teams

        Everyone cashed in on the bonus points last week (+2) by filling out the bonus questions (which by the way are optional if you are feeling flat or need to go wash your hair).

        Consider this post your first date with this year's league and get to know our likes and dislikes.

        P-F10 Favorite Teams

        P-F10 Least Favorite Teams

        After reading through the responses, I've gone back and retroactively given some extra credit.
        • 13 National Championships - CG: Least Favorite Team = Anyone else in the SEC (Thank you. Finally someone not sucking the conference teet) +1
        •  Northmen - ANo: Least Favorite Team = Wisconsin (The Cheese are a decade old Pick'em card tradition because they are almost always on TV and they are seemingly unpredictable against the spread. Nice choice!) +1
        • The Cheerios - WH: Least Favorite Team = I'm not a hater. (this makes sense, since Will is a baby and all) +1

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010

        P-F10: Week 2 Cards

        (updated 9/7/10 11:28 PM)
        NFL Pick'em
        NCAA Pick'em

        P-F10: Week 1 NCAA Results (Final) - It's not fair to blame Google

        (updated 9/13/10 1:56PM)

        The big boys struggled a bit (Florida, ou, Texas, etc.), LSU won me $7500 fake dollars, and 8 of 15 favorites on the Week 1 hit (Vegas stays happy).

        Until I can figure out how to get it to show as a gadget on the website (it was there for over a year, but whatever), I'll post a copy in these update posts. The Google help forums seem to indicate that I'm doing something wrong. You probably won't be surprised that I disagree.

        Point summaries for Week 1:
        The average score from week to week in this thing is typically between 7 and 8, which is no surprise since we are picking against the spread and that's how Vegas stays in business. We have aggies at the very top and very bottom of the Week 1 standings. I'm sure there is some kind of sandwich joke that I could insert here if I was one more coffee deep.

        WEEK 1 SCORECARD (click to view)

        Weekly Winner(s): KW - The Swinging Richards (11) +3 bonus points
        NCAA dubs (10+): KW, MN, KS +3 bonus points
        Bonus Question: Who is your most and least favorite college team? (Results to be posted soon), +2 bonus points for everyone

        Paid: KW, KH, WH, KZ, KS, JN, ANe, Lo +1

        What's next?

        Sunday, September 5, 2010

        P-F10: Week 1 NCAA Results

        (updated 9/6/10 at 10:37 PM)

        26 people registered at filled out the Week 1 card this year. Nice.

        Once I get the Google spreadsheet driving this whole thing up to speed, you guys should be able to access info on the front end a lot better.

        For now, in case you don't have the link yet:

        Since Google Docs is being a little b!tch right now and not publishing the overall scoreboard on the website (you can see the error on the top right of the page), here is the "legend" that links the initials on the scorecard with your team names:

        CG    13 National Championships
        CCo    Beelzebubbles
        DW    Bevo XIV
        DC    Cacti3
        DD    Dave's Bonus
        KZ    Duffy
        GN    Ferments-A-Lot
        MN    Football is Fun
        AP    Gig'em
        JM    The Red Raiders
        KS    Large Donkey Circus
        RH    Let Us Prey!
        JN    Naked Bootleggers
        ANo    Northmen
        JH    Nothing to Lose
        CCa    Novacain
        JB    Pimp Possee
        GF    Kentucky Snowman
        KH    Smokey's Bandits
        A-C    The Nine-Five
        WH    The Cheerios
        KW    The Swinging Richards
        Ane    Accidental Champs
        RK    BlitzKrieg
        MF    One Man Wolfpack
        Lo    WhooDat4Life

        I'll keep including the link on updates until Google fixes their problem.

        2010 NCAA Pick'em Leaderboard

        Wednesday, September 1, 2010

        I bet you are going to be interested in this

        For those of you who want to bet real (check that) fake money on sports this year, I strongly suggest you join Fading Las Vegas' sportsbook. It's great fun, it's free, and if you totally suck, they just give you more money.  I just bet the house on LSU -1.5 over UNC.

        If any of you make the right decision and sign up, join the ground "TheFermDotOrg" so I can keep up with how much more awesome I am at betting fake money than you are.

        Warning, this will seriously put you just a tiny step away from becoming a total gambling degenerate, but if you are like me, you are willing to make that sacrifice.