Pickem Dash Football

 FORTRAN PROGRAM!! # BEVOXIV PLUS FIVE BONUS POINTS IF(maritalstatus.eq.single) then  find(single.girl) and     ask(do.you.have.Uverse) then     if(yes) then          securedate(saturday.night)     else         execute(move.on.to.next.girl)     endif ELSEIF(maritalstatus.eq.married) then    askwife(can.we.get.uverse)    if(yes) then      write*(u.married.the.right.girl)    else      write*(reconsider.marital.future) ELSE           ! same sex domestic partner    askpartner(can.we.get.uverse)    if(yes) then       write*(winner.winner.chicken.dinner)    else       write*(consider.opposite.sex.sports.fan.friends)    endif ENDIF

I can't believe I just discovered these videos. Given that... this video is just reason #3295443 the Internet is the best thing that has happened in the history of the Earth. (if you don't watch all 6 minutes and 29 seconds of this, then we can't be friends anymore... just saying)