Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Week 9 NFL Bonus: Vince Young is the Greatest of All Time

Week 9 NFL Bonus: Vince Young is the G.O.A.T.

VY will be the Greatest "Next Vince Young" of All Time - Ferments-A-Lot

Cat Power - The Greatest

Vince Young is a polarizing sports star. His play is sometimes ugly and sometimes downright absurd, but occasionally his play is awe-inspiring. We could argue what the real VY is for years (we have), but there is no sane argument that VY wasn’t one of the greatest college football players of all time.
VY’s win/loss record as a starter in college is 30-2. In the NFL, VY’s record as a starter is 31-1718. If Chris Johnson was the reason for all those wins, then why didn’t Kerry Collins win with the same team in the same year?
VY just wins. I’m a fan, but I can’t explain it. All I know is that VY probably isn’t NFL Hall of Fame bound, so while once the Greatest of All Time (G.O.A.T.) in college football, he’s not destined for G.O.A.T. status in the pros.
Being that VY inexplicably wins at everything, what is VY’s next G.O.A.T.?

The Northmen (ANo) suggest aftershave, since he “always looks clean faced and nice dressed up.” I know Amanda just has man-love for VY – although if Redman and Method Man could sell deodorant…  (+4).
Did you know VY has a steakhouse? Apparently it’s pretty good. Chicainery (CCa) just throws a dart and suggests VY will be the G.O.A.T steakhouse owner. I wish I was that (+4). Who says you can’t cook meat and still play? SEC Rejects (ANe) gives a practical answer: “Arena Football, it fits his free-4-all style of making good things happen” (+4). OK, but there may be more money in steaks.
Large Donkey IPA (KSc) manages to leave Erin Andrews out of his answer, but still mentions references genitals with “G.O.A.T. Vick jock strap holder” (+4). I hear that job pays well. Speaking of jock straps, Bob and Gary Destroyers (JH) says “he’ll be the greatest Texas Assistant to the Assistant High School Football Coach in Far West Texas history” (+4). I’m pretty sure the assistant to the assistant washes the jock straps.
13 National Championships (CG) is married to a Longhorn, but he clearly has some hate for #10. “He is either going to be the best bank teller ever, or make the best smoothies in Texas when he loses all his money because he is a dipsh!t and will be out of the league in a year. Make it rain mother f**ker(+4). Best smoothies would be pretty cool.
It was inevitable that I’d get some hypersensitive responses (negative and positive). Bevo XIV (DW) is pro VY: “First off, Vince is a two time pro bowler (same as Mario, 2x more than Reggie).” But…he will be the GOAT QB for the Cowboys when they finally realize that Romo isn't the answer” (+4). Heh. When it comes to funny,
WhooDat4Life (Lo) has a good one with “VY is soon to become the G.O.A.T. of false football claims, like Philly being a ‘dream team’ or him going to the hall of fame. Ryan Leaf gets in before VY” (+4). VY > Tebow >> Ryan Leaf. Just saying. Devil Dawgs (DD) also noted that “Eagles the dream team” was the “greatest over-prediction of all time” (+4). Raise your hand if all of your dreams are of things that are the best. Uh huh. Maybe Vince has scary dreams and was just opening up his sensitive side.
Sarcasm can be funny, like Topo Chicas (A-C) answer that VY will be the G.O.A.T. at “underachieving… of course through no fault of his own” (+4) I wish there wasn’t any truth to that. Hellfish (KSh) submits: “The Wonderlic Test” (+4). Six. Yeah, that happened. But he also retook it and scored a 16. That is the same score as Dan Marino. VY = Marino? Eh, maybe not.
1 Man Wolfpack (MF) puts in words the sentiments of lot of Longhorn faithful: “I loved Texas QB Vince Young, but I don't love him now.  He still thinks it is the end of his junior year and he just won the National Championship.  That night is long gone.  He might end up being the G.O.A.T. to show up at all UT spring games moving forward” (+5). Yeah.
Most of the time I can figure out your riddles, but Mr. Smokeypants (KH) stumped me with the “Successor to Oscar Giles” answer. (+4)? Brother and Mad Bomber (KZ) sister had UT assistance coaches in mind. KZ suggests VY would be a good “assistant coach of some sorts of UT, but he won’t be G.O.A.T until UT meets up again vs. USC in another National Championship and of course figures out how to single handedly win the game. Then we can once again say ‘In Vince We Trust.’ Yep, I still proudly sport the t-shirt my big brother bought me a few years ago” (+5, for the story).
Some of you didn’t really suggest VY’s next triumph. The Yeasty Beasties (KW) suggest it “will be related to his starting over after he blows his NFL earnings” (+3), but then adds “I hate you so much” (-1?). As an emotion, hate is similar to love, so I suppose that is better than apathy. Pimp Posse (JB) thinks “he will become bankrupt and sell his National Championship ring while living under a bridge (+3). I think I’ve heard that story before. Booyah (MN) totally disagrees with KW and JB. He simply says VY is the “best there never was” (+3). Wait. What? Rose Ate It (SS) just says “momma’s boy” (+3). I’m not sure about that. And then we had Chumlee's Banditos (KP): “He's done in the NFL...maybe Canadian/NFL Europe or Arena league football...sad to say....I find it hard to imagine how he is handling backing up a dog killer...VY was never that bad....alright he did do some stupid things....see exhibit A(+3). VY done in the NFL… not fact. We are all Chumlee’s b!tches in the NCAA contest… fact.
Leave it to a Sooner to be totally backward. Naked Bootleggers (JN) says he be the “Greatest of All Time Longhorn to flog in the NFL” (+4). I’d say with a 31-1718 record as a starter and a few Pro Bowls, he’s way past flop territory. How about Rookie of the Year? Got that too.
It’s nice to have so many Sooners in the P-F pool this year. If anything, they can call BS on this VY G.O.A.T. talk. Dirt Burglars (D2): “VY was never a GOAT and will never be a GOAT.  The only GOAT VY can be associated with is the one in the basement of his frat house! BAAAHHH!!!!” (+4).
The Most Imaginative Award goes to (no, not Dirt Burglars, but) Gig’em Baby (AP). This Aggie thinks “VY and Tim Tebow will have the best reality show of all the ambiguously gay dream team of television. There will be plenty of Tebowing and INTs...and of course run-ins with the law and confessions at church. Also, Tiger will be making several guest appearances” (+5). Sounds like good programming for the Longhorn Network. I’d TiVo that.

Weezer - The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (variations on a Shaker hymn)

One of you guys seemed to really have the scoop on VY’s future. “This is strictly on the DL... I happen to know VY is dabbling in the oil company industry as a partner in a machine shop... but it won't be that. VY will be the new spokesman for proactive surpassing the selling skills of Puff Daddy Diddly Diddle and Jessica Simpson. But you ain't heard that from me.” – Beelzebubbles (CCo) +6

Thursday, November 24, 2011

P-F11: Week 13 Results

last updated 11/28/11 11:08 PM 


Just one thing.

A cash grab complication. ¡Gooooaaaaaallll de los Horns! Scoreboard... everlasting.

Cash Run (Biggie + Tupac + White Stripes) 2011 Week 13 NCAA Card (v1.0) - Scorecard

NFL 2011 Week 13 NFL Card (v1.0) - Scorecard

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Friday, November 18, 2011

P-F11: Week 12 Results

updated 11/22/11 10:00 AM

NCAA 2011 Week 12 NCAA Card (v1.0) - Scorecard

GameDay Sign Suggestion Bonus:

I asked you to submit a clever GameDay-ish sign to celebrate ESPN's visit to the lovely U of H campus. Here's what you guys submitted.

Northmen (ANo): "Eat 'em up Corso!" +3

Ferments-A-Lot (GN): 'Did ESPN Gameday come to your High School? I don't think so. RESPECT." Cougar High jokes don't get old, just saying. +4

BevoXIV (DW): "Who knew SWC >> Big 12?" It's not. +4

Mr. Smokeypants (KH): "Fowler likes the shocker" Classy, er I mean classic. +3

Mad Bomber (KZ): "Chunk the deuce" I'm Paul Wall, Swishahouse baby, Houston Tex
Live from the gridiron, I'm on the grind, collectin checks. +5

BlitzKrieg (RK):
Haven't seen him?
Drink a Case of beer and watch him throw.
This system QB is worthy of Heisman row."
A rhyme? Are you kidding me!? Automatic +6

Chicainery (CCa): "Geaux LSU"
Neaux points for that, Chris. 
OK, +2

Large Donkey IPA (KSc):
"What's better than Erin Andrews and Gameday in Houston?
Erin Andrews in my bed....
See you in New Orleans, Alabama"
An Erin Andrews related answer... I should have guessed. +4

Bob and Gary Destroyers (JH): "Go Cougars!  Unfortunately, you just can't go to the Big 12!"
Yeah, this is great and all, but let's not get crazy. +3

Beelzebubbles (CCo): "Come back when I'm skinny!!"
That would have made it on TV. +5

WhooDat4Life (Lo): "Welcome to Houston where we have super senior starting quarterbacks and don't hide child molesters!"
While good and topical, that wouldn't have made it on TV :) +4

Topo Chicas (A-C): "Geez....this weeks matchups must really suck. Didn't y'all mean to go to Austin?"
Maybe they should have gone to Waco. +3

13 National Championships (CG): "PLEASE DIE CORSO"
Y'all's signs are really taking a dark turn. +3

Pimp Posse (JB): "Houston has a university"
I'm not an expert, but I think they like to be called "commuter school" +3

Booyah! (MN): "Go Lornhorns"
My sign doesn't have speel check. :) +3

Naked Bootleggers (JN):
"Check List to get Game Day at your University...
1) Beat UCLA?....CHECK
2) Shut out Georgia State?....CHECK
3) Almost lose to LA Tech?....CHECK

NOW get inside that Cougar Corso!"
Like. +6

Skip to the 0:55 mark.

SEC Rejects (ANe): "Hey Big 12... Where's our invite?!"
Keep checking the mailbox. +4

1 Man Wolfpack (MF): "Andre Ware for Prez!!!"
VY >> Andy. Opposite for radio though. "OH NO!!" +4

Hellfish (KSh): "U of wHo"
They are the ones with the ghetto campus. Remember? +3

Throwin' Darts (MM):
"Would Houston still be perfect in a real conference?
Does a advanced Calculus in the woods?"
Hahaha. +6

Dirt Burglers (D2): "Gameday went where?"
I know. They missed an Oklahoma game. +3

Above Average Joe (JG): "Cougars"
When I say "Houston" you say "Cougars." "Houston!" +1

Gig'em Baby (AP): "Go Texans!"
Bye week, yo. +1

Chumlee's Banditos (KP): "Ride 'em donkeys... em Mustangs"
True story. +3

NFL 2011 Week 12 NFL Card (v1.0) - Scorecard

New leader!

NFL Bonus: What team scores closest to zero this week?
Kansas City Chiefs = 3
Correct answers: KH, CCo, CG, SE, D2 +3

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Saturday, November 12, 2011

P-F11: Week 11 Results

last updated 11/15/11 8:19 PM

The Week That Is:
Combo post this week. Below are your scorecard links to follow along as the action unfolds.

NFL Sunday Afternoon Kickoffs
Tim Tebow > Kansas City Chiefs. Tim threw 2 passes, but it's all about the W baby. Elongated throwing motion // Tim Tebow > Cam Newton? I'm not saying, I'm just saying the Panthers lost to the Titans today. Not good. // Vick lost again. You know you like that. // The Texans don't seem to need Mario Williams. If they re-sign that bum, one or two of you in this league will have to hear my drunken Mario rant at a bar this off-season. // Two of you guys were up on the Seahawk win over the Ravens. I'm going to need to see you in the commissioners office. // Dallas kicked ass. So what's the truth? Bills = pretenders or Cowboys = for real. // Atlanta beat themselves in OT. Who dat anyway. // Former Longhorn Colt lost again... because of former Longhorn Phil Dawson's missed FG. I can't take all this losing!1! // I've Googled Andy Dalton before. Seriously, I don't know why I can't remember who this guy is. If you Google him now, the top link is that he threw two picks in the 4th to give Pittsburgh the win.

We got a fight in the Chicago/Detroit game!

The NY Giants really don't move the needle for me, but this picture is one of the best sad fan picture I have ever seen.

The no joke quote of the week:

Patriots 37, Jets 16 

“Thirty-seven points on the best defense in the league, s**k my d**k,” - Bill Belichick

New York weeps. J-E-T-S Je--nevermind.

NFL Pick'em Scorecard 2011 Week 11 NFL Card (v1.0) - Scorecard

NFL Pick'em Leaderboard

NCAA Early Kickoffs
What I watched: Texas almost needing to use people from the stands to field a team. The docs and trainers are going to be busy tonight. I'm sick. No literally. Wish I was drinking an Independence Brewing Oklahoma Suks, then I'd feel a little better.
What I wish I watched: Wake/Clemson on ESPNU.
Some Live Thoughts: While the Clemson game didn't make the card or the peripheral TVs, I switched over to the 28-28 game right after Texas lost. As I'm typing, Florida-South Carolina and Nebraska* (I'd rather not mention those despicable* mthrfkrs in State College... all of 'em*) are also within 1 score with only a few minutes remaining. Wake just lost to #9 Clemson on a last second field goal with enough time to catch the last 30 seconds of the Nebraska game. Nebraska wins by 3. The line was 3.5. WTF corn! South Carolina just took care of biz against Florida. Missed that pick. Just flipped to Michigan St.-Iowa. The Spartans are in victory formation... 37-21. Oh goodie... missed that pick too. Earlier, Okie lite dropped 66 on Tech. Here is something: Since scoring a TD to go up 31-7 on OU three weeks ago, Texas Tech has been outscored 190-43.
Guns up. Good fan.
I'm 1-5 after the early games conclude. Gig'em Baby (AP) is 5-5. Horns down, thumbs up, dude.

*Both of those links are must reads.

NCAA Midday Kickoffs
What I watched: The Longhorn Network is free this week. That's pretty much all I've been watching. (OK, I also watched Texas A&M do their double digit lead blowing thang.)
What I wish I watched: If you think I wasn't glued to that, you are crazy. Well, actually I switched over to watch this:

I don't really have anything against Boise (even if I did get all Schadenfreude-y when a field goal cost them a BCS Bowl for the 2nd straight year), but this opens the door for the University of Houston to get a BCS bid. I think they'll get smoked if they play someone good, but that'll just be win-win for me (Win: the hometown guys get some attention, Win: they can shut their mouths after a 30+ point loss to any decent team). College Gameday is coming to Houston next week. Nice.
Only cool when you win.
Some Live Thoughts: No "live look-ins" this time. The 4OT aggie game had my attention and I just opened my first beer. Hopefully it agrees with those night-strength meds I took a while back.

KP picked up 5 of 6 midday games. What the hell, guys? DD did the same, and is leading now with 9. A few of you have 3 after 11 games, so I won't complain about my 4.

NCAA Late Kickoffs
What I watched: The anti-LSU/Bama, Oregon/Stanford. Seriously, I intended to watch this game, but instead I checked out that UFC fight on Fox. Those 64 seconds were, uhhh, fun? So Fox lost their UFC virginity, it only lasted a minute, and it wasn't at all satisfying? That sounds about right. Do you know why college football is better than sex? Because it lasts longer.
What I wish I watched: The Marquez/Pacquiao fight. I hear Pacquiao won pretty decisively.
Pacquiao, wearing only a hat. *That's* pimping.
Some "Live" Thoughts: I spent the later part of the night playing ps3. Don't judge, I still had games on. Apparently 'Bama missed a couple more field goals. Ugh. Western Kentucky managed to put 9 up on LSU. And, I didn't see this until Sunday, but check this bleep out. Sick.

NCAA Pick'em Scorecard
Chumlee's Banditos may have had another double digit performance (ho hum), but Devil Dawgs (DD) is are weekly winner with 12 of 15 correct picks. Props to ANo, CG, JN, and KSh, who also got dubs this week. 2011 Week 11 NCAA Card (v1.0)

NCAA Pick'em Leaderboard
I don't care what you say, spell check. *I* say leaderboard is a word.

It is probably about time to admit that this is a race for the 2nd place prize. WhooDat4Life (Lo) and Dirt Burglars (D2) made a move into the #2 slot, but ten or more teams probably still have a shot. Good luck pimps (and by "good luck," I mean I don't care because it's not me that has a shot :).

Friday, November 11, 2011

NCAA Football Watching Guilde for 11/12/11

This is one of those weeks. I'll be setting up a small cooler, gathering a few snacks, and putting on a Team Umizoomi marathon in the kids room. Daddy is going to watch some football.

When I get an uninterrupted football weekend at home, I put together a TV guide to make the most of my watching experience. So if you'd like to take a Nielson-ish look at where my 4 living room TVs an computer will be tuned to, check out my guide below.

Early Games:
Main TV (sound on): #21 Texas @ Missouri
I make no apologies here. The young Longhorn team plays a somewhat underrated 4-5 Missouri. The Tigers have a strong, balanced offensive attack, one of the best RB's in the league (from Texas), and a legit dual thread QB. Texas is most likely without their #1 RB and #1 WR. Oh who am I kidding, I'd be watching this game if it was Texas-Southwest Missouri Tech. One question though: IF the Horns win, at what point does only having losses to the #2 and #6 teams in the BCS seem pretty reasonable for a #10-#15 ranked team. Heck, even for a team in the Top 10. Does Virginia Tech lose to OU and Okie State. Absafuckinglutely. Not getting ahead of myself, but just saying.
The Rest:
(It's no coincidence that I can tune into 5 games at a time and there are no more than 5 games on the card in any time slot.) Can Tech channel some of that blow-u magic for okie-lite? Probably not, but it's worth a spot on the card. CBS checks in early with an SEC game of some significance. ESPN2 graces us with the usual craptastic Big Ten 11am game. Aaaaand there is the Nebraska/Penn St game. I think we can all agree that fk'ng corn cobs >>>>>>> touching children. Go corns.

Midday Games:
Main TV (sound on): Texas A&M @ #17 Kansas St.
It will be nice next year when I won't care about the aggies, but I've watched or listened to more of these games than a lot of aggies have. This season has been really fascinating for them. Because of homeostasis, I predict that A&M will not suck enough to blow this game, KSU will return to being a middle of the road team, and then KSU will beat Texas. This is how it has always been.
The Rest:
Washington/USC. Next. Does the average fan care about Auburn vs. Georgia? Do both of them being ranked matter? Some of you SEC honks (and Tim Brando) will probably argue how great this midday CBS game is, but I'll file this one in my "Aggie Band Performance" folder. (Hint: that's the one where fans will go on forever about how awesome something is despite the reality of it being no more interesting than its counterparts). I'm giving TCU-Boise a TV, but you know I'll only be checking to see if Boise is losing. Finally, the two games running on the computer (ESPN3) may be good. To me, they are as interesting as that SEC game on CBS. I hope one of those 3 are close, because they'll probably replace the aggie game when I get tired of watching purple.

Late Games
Main TV (sound on): #6 Oregon @ #3 Stanford
If this game is all field goals, then I'm going to fire up the ps3. When are those NCAA sanctions ever going to hit Oregon for cheating? I'm pulling for Luck, even though he's missing 2 of his top 4 targets.

The Rest:
What?! No LSU vs. Western Kentucky? Sorry tigers, this one didn't make the card and probably won't make the TVs. Apparently Fox is showing some UFC. I'm not big into the sport, but this is getting a TV. As for the rest of the football games, this is the portion of the night where I realize Chumlee's Banditos (KP) is going to pull another 12 of 15 picks. It's also usually the time where I'm pulling for 2 random teams so I can finish the week with 6 or 7. Do you guys know that KP knows nothing about college football? Inconceivable.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Sunday, November 6, 2011

P-F11: Week 10 NFL Results

updated 11/8/11 8:50 AM 2011 Week 10 NFL Card (v1.0)-1

Week 10 NFL Bonus wagers:
P-F11 Week 10 NFL Bonus (NFL Card Wagers)


Saturday, November 5, 2011

P-F11: Week 10 NCAA Results

updated 11/6/11 11:58 AM

Yeah but what if the regular season didn't mean anything? What then? That's right.

Opine if you'd like, but how awesome was it for the LSU/Bama and KSU/Okie State games to be going on simultaneously? Two great games to watch. Totally different styles of football. (That's why I want a playoff.)

Whether you prefer a simmering tempo, perfect for canoodling your 80s lover or some street soldier trill love, I think there are a place for both in this world.

UGK vs. Wham! - International Whisperer's Anthem

The only clear advantage between the two games were the announcing booths. Give me Musburger and Sh!tstreet any day over Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson. (Did Mr. Miyagi ruin that name? Seriously, even my spell checker wants to change it.)

Not sold on Herbie? Watch him keep his cool when an earthquake hits Oklahoma after the Okie State game (5 seconds into the video).

I wonder if Kirk prefers Wham! or UGK.

Did the curses work? (I guess it would help if I would post those.) Check it out below. 2011 Week 10 NCAA Card (v1.0)

Prop Bet Bonus:

P-F11 Week 10 NCAA Bonus (LSU-Bama Prop Bets)

Thursday, November 3, 2011

P-F11: Week 10 Cards

updated 11/3/11 10:14 AM


"worst day ever"

NCAA Pick'em

NFL Pick'em