Sunday, November 27, 2011

Week 9 NFL Bonus: Vince Young is the Greatest of All Time


Week 9 NFL Bonus: Vince Young is the G.O.A.T.

VY will be the Greatest "Next Vince Young" of All Time - Ferments-A-Lot


Cat Power - The Greatest

Vince Young is a polarizing sports star. His play is sometimes ugly and sometimes downright absurd, but occasionally his play is awe-inspiring. We could argue what the real VY is for years (we have), but there is no sane argument that VY wasn’t one of the greatest college football players of all time.
VY’s win/loss record as a starter in college is 30-2. In the NFL, VY’s record as a starter is 31-1718. If Chris Johnson was the reason for all those wins, then why didn’t Kerry Collins win with the same team in the same year?
VY just wins. I’m a fan, but I can’t explain it. All I know is that VY probably isn’t NFL Hall of Fame bound, so while once the Greatest of All Time (G.O.A.T.) in college football, he’s not destined for G.O.A.T. status in the pros.
Being that VY inexplicably wins at everything, what is VY’s next G.O.A.T.?

The Northmen (ANo) suggest aftershave, since he “always looks clean faced and nice dressed up.” I know Amanda just has man-love for VY – although if Redman and Method Man could sell deodorant…  (+4).
Did you know VY has a steakhouse? Apparently it’s pretty good. Chicainery (CCa) just throws a dart and suggests VY will be the G.O.A.T steakhouse owner. I wish I was that (+4). Who says you can’t cook meat and still play? SEC Rejects (ANe) gives a practical answer: “Arena Football, it fits his free-4-all style of making good things happen” (+4). OK, but there may be more money in steaks.
Large Donkey IPA (KSc) manages to leave Erin Andrews out of his answer, but still mentions references genitals with “G.O.A.T. Vick jock strap holder” (+4). I hear that job pays well. Speaking of jock straps, Bob and Gary Destroyers (JH) says “he’ll be the greatest Texas Assistant to the Assistant High School Football Coach in Far West Texas history” (+4). I’m pretty sure the assistant to the assistant washes the jock straps.
13 National Championships (CG) is married to a Longhorn, but he clearly has some hate for #10. “He is either going to be the best bank teller ever, or make the best smoothies in Texas when he loses all his money because he is a dipsh!t and will be out of the league in a year. Make it rain mother f**ker(+4). Best smoothies would be pretty cool.
It was inevitable that I’d get some hypersensitive responses (negative and positive). Bevo XIV (DW) is pro VY: “First off, Vince is a two time pro bowler (same as Mario, 2x more than Reggie).” But…he will be the GOAT QB for the Cowboys when they finally realize that Romo isn't the answer” (+4). Heh. When it comes to funny,
WhooDat4Life (Lo) has a good one with “VY is soon to become the G.O.A.T. of false football claims, like Philly being a ‘dream team’ or him going to the hall of fame. Ryan Leaf gets in before VY” (+4). VY > Tebow >> Ryan Leaf. Just saying. Devil Dawgs (DD) also noted that “Eagles the dream team” was the “greatest over-prediction of all time” (+4). Raise your hand if all of your dreams are of things that are the best. Uh huh. Maybe Vince has scary dreams and was just opening up his sensitive side.
Sarcasm can be funny, like Topo Chicas (A-C) answer that VY will be the G.O.A.T. at “underachieving… of course through no fault of his own” (+4) I wish there wasn’t any truth to that. Hellfish (KSh) submits: “The Wonderlic Test” (+4). Six. Yeah, that happened. But he also retook it and scored a 16. That is the same score as Dan Marino. VY = Marino? Eh, maybe not.
1 Man Wolfpack (MF) puts in words the sentiments of lot of Longhorn faithful: “I loved Texas QB Vince Young, but I don't love him now.  He still thinks it is the end of his junior year and he just won the National Championship.  That night is long gone.  He might end up being the G.O.A.T. to show up at all UT spring games moving forward” (+5). Yeah.
Most of the time I can figure out your riddles, but Mr. Smokeypants (KH) stumped me with the “Successor to Oscar Giles” answer. (+4)? Brother and Mad Bomber (KZ) sister had UT assistance coaches in mind. KZ suggests VY would be a good “assistant coach of some sorts of UT, but he won’t be G.O.A.T until UT meets up again vs. USC in another National Championship and of course figures out how to single handedly win the game. Then we can once again say ‘In Vince We Trust.’ Yep, I still proudly sport the t-shirt my big brother bought me a few years ago” (+5, for the story).
Some of you didn’t really suggest VY’s next triumph. The Yeasty Beasties (KW) suggest it “will be related to his starting over after he blows his NFL earnings” (+3), but then adds “I hate you so much” (-1?). As an emotion, hate is similar to love, so I suppose that is better than apathy. Pimp Posse (JB) thinks “he will become bankrupt and sell his National Championship ring while living under a bridge (+3). I think I’ve heard that story before. Booyah (MN) totally disagrees with KW and JB. He simply says VY is the “best there never was” (+3). Wait. What? Rose Ate It (SS) just says “momma’s boy” (+3). I’m not sure about that. And then we had Chumlee's Banditos (KP): “He's done in the NFL...maybe Canadian/NFL Europe or Arena league football...sad to say....I find it hard to imagine how he is handling backing up a dog killer...VY was never that bad....alright he did do some stupid things....see exhibit A(+3). VY done in the NFL… not fact. We are all Chumlee’s b!tches in the NCAA contest… fact.
Leave it to a Sooner to be totally backward. Naked Bootleggers (JN) says he be the “Greatest of All Time Longhorn to flog in the NFL” (+4). I’d say with a 31-1718 record as a starter and a few Pro Bowls, he’s way past flop territory. How about Rookie of the Year? Got that too.
It’s nice to have so many Sooners in the P-F pool this year. If anything, they can call BS on this VY G.O.A.T. talk. Dirt Burglars (D2): “VY was never a GOAT and will never be a GOAT.  The only GOAT VY can be associated with is the one in the basement of his frat house! BAAAHHH!!!!” (+4).
The Most Imaginative Award goes to (no, not Dirt Burglars, but) Gig’em Baby (AP). This Aggie thinks “VY and Tim Tebow will have the best reality show of all time...like the ambiguously gay dream team of television. There will be plenty of Tebowing and INTs...and of course run-ins with the law and confessions at church. Also, Tiger will be making several guest appearances” (+5). Sounds like good programming for the Longhorn Network. I’d TiVo that.


Weezer - The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (variations on a Shaker hymn)

One of you guys seemed to really have the scoop on VY’s future. “This is strictly on the DL... I happen to know VY is dabbling in the oil company industry as a partner in a machine shop... but it won't be that. VY will be the new spokesman for proactive surpassing the selling skills of Puff Daddy Diddly Diddle and Jessica Simpson. But you ain't heard that from me.” – Beelzebubbles (CCo) +6

1 comment:

  1. The "I hate you statement" was meant to be for you only since we had just had a Twitter battle over Vince's status of G.O.A.T.

    ReplyDelete