Sunday, August 4, 2019

The Official 2019 Pick'em Dash Football Annual Recruitment Post

Don’t Sleep On Pick’em Dash Football

Science does not fully understand why sleeping is necessary, but you and I empirically understand sleeping is vital to our bodies’ health and cognitive functions.

Good morning, you guys. It is the dawn of the 2019 football season.

Ready to sign up? Use the "too long, didn't read" link at the end of this sentence to go straight to the registration form

By the close of last season, you were probably experiencing a decrease in mental functions, a distorted sense of time, a lack of awareness to your job and family, and – God bless you – all weekend day and night game watching fatigue. While I’m sure you didn’t realize any of this at the time, you are better off today than you were last February. While you rested, your P-F-cells raced around inside, repairing and restoring all your questionable decisions made while you were weak and vulnerable.

Did You Dream About It?

Last pick’em season, your brain worked hard to make all the pre-game connections necessary in order to predict winners. After all that work, you needed the offseason rest, but I bet you dreamed about getting back in that pick’em game.

Your dreams represent your unconscious desires and wishes. Did you dream about that filing that perfect pick’em card?

Dreams also help develop cognitive capabilities. Raise your hand if you've been having dreams about falling. That means need to let the offseason go. You are ready for this.

Already woke? Head to the registration form now. 

If someone has been chasing you each night in your dreams, then follow me and read on.

Get Pick’em Dash Football Woke

Each year we play 4 games that are guaranteed to keep you on the qui vive for winning game predictions all season long.

Game #1: NCAA Pick’em (played against the spread)
  • 15 games per week
  • Games will list and point spread for you to pick against
  • Contest represents approximately 1/3 of the registration pot; Both 1st and 2nd place winners will get something
Game #2: NFL Pick’em (played straight up, i.e. no spread)
  • All NFL games (14-16) per week
  • Contest represents approximately 1/3 of the registration pot; 1st and 2nd place winners will get something
Game #3: NCAA Bowl Challenge (played confidence style)
  • All the bowls (41? I've lost count)
  • Picks are straight up (no spread)
  • Contest represents approximately 50% of 33% of the pot (uh you do the math); 1st place winner only
Game #4: NFL Playoff Challenge (played against the spread, you bet with points Vegas-style)
  • All the playoff games (11)
  • Picks week-to-week; points are cumulative
  • Contest represents approximately 50% of 33% of the pot; 1st place winner only

Yeah But What Is In It For Me?

Just like your dreams, Pick’em Dash Football offers emotional benefits, such as introspection in the form of open-ended bonus questions on some weekly cards. You may have been dreaming about what those bonus points can do for you. Scientists don’t agree on the statistical importance, but those points will give you a slight edge in the post-season contests, not to mention a mental edge week-to-week.

During the offseason, you’ve probably been dreaming about being naked or showing up unprepared for a test. You didn't know at the time, but your brain was preparing you, and right now you are as sharp as you have been in months. You got this, now let’s bring it home.

Google-able author Lauri Quinn Loewenberg once wrote Pick’em Dash Football is “full of information, advice, guidance and even warnings we need to know about ourselves and about our lives. [Picking] is a very deep and profound thinking process in which we focus solely on the self. Through [picking], we examine our current issues, behaviours (sic, that’s how she talks) and goals. We come up with ideas, we sort things out, we look at ourselves in a deeper light, we gain a clearer picture of ourselves and situation so that we can make better decisions. Those of us that are [Pickem Commissioners] and who use [Google Forms] in our mental health practices have found [picking football games is] the deepest form of therapy available.”

She honestly said it best.

Qui vive Pickem Dash Football.

And also don't forget to sign up.