Wednesday, September 12, 2018

P-F18: Week 2 NFL Bonus - #MNFtwo'd

Monday the NFL gave us two prime-time football games, but what if the NFL genie granted us two of something else?

Most of you want MONEY. It’s been said in song that money can’t buy happiness, but it has been shown by science that money *can* buy happiness. Money can buy hot tracks, but it can’t buy sense. To I Look Good On Top (BF), Beelzebubbles (CC), 17 National Championships (CG), Something Creative (KS), and Shake and Baker (JN): Remember to practice good picking. Use your extra money on experiences, not things. (3 points)

Instead of two million or billions of dollars, I respect Dirt Burglars (DT) wish of TWO PAYCHECKS. That’s a responsible choice. He didn’t mention, but let’s assume someone with that class would also work two jobs for those two paychecks. (4 points)

Also with a mature response was Cornholio’s Bunghole (BO) (editor's note: I see the irony there now), who wanted TWO 401K’s. Stay healthy, my friend. (5 points)

Others felt a little more Charlie Sheen than Bill Gates. Bevo XV wanted TWO TOM HERMAN SEASON OPENING WINS. That stings. True homer Gigem! (AP) and Must Be The Salsa (CK) wanted TWO ASTROS WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONSHIPS. (4 points)

Two of you knew the answer to the meaning of life was buried somewhere in this game. Katy Tigers (RH) wanted TWO PICK'EMS THAT COUNTED. One before the games and one after. That sounds fair. Cockypantherfan (SZ) wanted TWO PICK'EM ACCOUNTS AND TWO FERRARIS. Two of those sound reasonable. (4 points)

It takes two to tango, it takes to hands to clap, and it takes two to make it outta sight. HeavyWeight (CR) will take TWO WOMEN (3 points). Case’s Clydesdales (MM) wants TWO CHICKS AT THE SAME [damn] TIME (3 points). Accidentchild (MN) effectively used two wishes in his answer first for TWO WOMEN, and then to undo his first wish with “NOT REALLY, ONE'S ENOUGH!” (4 points)

Big Papa’s (AM) answer needs some unpacking. His answer was “BOOBS,” and I’m not sure if *HE* wanted two boobs or if he’d like to see two boobs. I don’t want to overlook the plight of the one-boobed. (5 –sympathy- points)

Despite what I preach, not everyone is picky. Statistically Improbable (DR) is good with TWO CONCUBINES… or TWO RIBEYE STEAKS. Money could buy your happiness. (5 points, -1 point for not being picky enough)

I’m going to rank the final 7 answers, which kind of all fell into an “other” category.

#7: TWO BOWLS OF CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH - Huntwick Homies (KW)
After the first bowl, you will be fkn sick of ‘em. (3 points)

#6: SUPERPOWERS - Guru (ANe)
Smart to keep these on the down low. The X-Men will be jealous and will probably kill you. (4 points)

#5: TWO WISHES - Left Hand Scissors (GN)
Not sure if there will be a quid pro quo by the giver that doesn’t allow using the second wish for additional wishes. However, rest assured the second wish will never be used to free the genie. (4 points)

#4: TWO STARTING QBs - 2QBs or not 2QBs (CT)
A blessing or a curse, but either way, apropos for your team name. (5 points)

#3: CHANCES IN LIFEPIMP POSSEE (JB)
The best gift in life a second chance [at life!] (5 points)

#2: SATURDAYS IN A WEEKNorthside Nukes (KH)
YAAASSSS!!1! (5 points)

#1: TWO COMMAS IN MY PAYCHECK - A Northmen (ANo)
Two commas in a paycheck would mean a million dollars, which sounds practical but is actually silly and mostly unobtainable, making this my favorite answer. (6 points)

Saturday, August 11, 2018

The Official 2018 Pickem-Football Annual Recruitment Post

Ready to sign up? Use the "too long, didn't read" link at the end of this sentence to go straight to the registration form.

Do you wish you were a better decision maker?

  • Have you ever been really sure about something?
  • Have you ever known the outcome of something, but didn’t have anywhere to record it and show off to friends?
  • Have you ever found yourself watching Sports Center and thinking, “seems like that was a good game”?
  • Maybe you didn’t even watch Sports Center because you had errands to run or something. ?!?
Choices are our true freedom. They are the way we navigate through life and rationalize the madness and uncertainty of the World. Choices are the grease, the foundation, and the mostly unwritten rules of the Universe.

Fortunately, it is easy to record your good decisions on the Internet!

“Oof,” you are probably saying to yourself. Well I say withdraw that oof. I say you should choose right now between two outstanding choices:
  1. Go straight to the registration form
  2. Read on to see where this post goes
Amazing choice my dear rebel friend. Let’s talk picking football games. They are gateway choices that will scratch the picky itch you’ve been missing all offseason. Picking winners will leave you satiated, quenched, connected, and mostly feeling like a winner yourself. When you sign up and pay the registration, you get NOT ONE, NOT TWO, NOT THREE, NOT FOUR, but unlimited – nah my bad you get four games. These four games will keep you engaged for the entirety of the football season, spanning from the opening weekend of college football until the NFL championship game.

Game #1: NCAA Pick’em (played against the spread)
  • 15 games per week
  • Odds provided for you
  • This contest represents approximately 1/3 of the registration pot; 1st and 2nd place winners will get something
Game #2: NFL Pick’em (played straight up, i.e. no spread)
  • All NFL games (14-16) per week
  • This contest represents approximately 1/3 of the registration pot; 1st and 2nd place winners will get something
Game #3: NCAA Bowl Challenge (played confidence style)
  • All the bowls (41? I've lost count)
  • Picks are straight up (no spread)
  • This contest represents approximately 50% of 33% of the pot (uh you do the math); 1st place winner only
Game #4: NFL Playoff Challenge (played against the spread, you bet with points Vegas-style)
  • All the playoff games (11)
  • Picks week-to-week; points are cumulative
  • This contest represents approximately 50% of 33% of the pot; 1st place winner only

Good picking is guaranteed to make you feel better!

Don’t be bummed over the weekend. The whole idea of Pick’em Dash Football is to feel better *after* than you did *before*. Forget “fake it ‘till you make it.” “Do it ‘cause you knew it!” “Click it and pick it!!”

This may sound overwhelming at first, especially if you have a day job. The trick is to pretend at work that you are working on a spreadsheet, and then start picking that first thing. Anything. Soon you will be a multitasking master. You will be on your phone picking, cooking for your family, and sending that TPS report all while thinking “what’s the weather in Green Bay going to be this weekend?”

Here is how it starts.

I send the pick'em cards to you via a link to a Google Form. Seriously, it is so easy you can even pick from your phone.

On the game card for each week's NCAA and NFL games, I may include optional bonus questions (like the annual Thanksgiving side dish bonus). While these won't increase your score for the regular-season games, the "points" are collected and used to give you a tiny advantage in the post-season games. Bonus points are also given to weekly winners, for paying your entry fee early, and for some other random stuff I make up along the way. You can win any of the contests without them, but why would you rob me of the fun of reading your answers. It is the only bread I get from Pick'em Dash Football.

Start Pickin’!

This is the 19th year of this game and I still don’t win every time. Like everything else, good picking involves lifelong learning. Though, it is really tough to practice unless you commit to P-F18! And who here really cares if you pick 4 of 15 every few weeks.

“Failure is awesome!” some motivational speaker probably said. Look, most of us will NEVER actually see each other. Of course, the opposite could also be true. You could become Pick’em legend, and everyone will want to meet you. How inspiring is that!?

I think we can all agree that you really only have one choice here. I’ll see you all in Week 1.