P-F11: Week 5 Cards

updated 9/29/11 10:30 AM

NCAA Pick'em

• NCAA - Week 5 Form
• NCAA - Week 5 Printable Card

NFL Pick'em

• NFL - Week 5 Form
• NFL - Week 5 Printable Card

P-F11: Week 4 NFL Results

updated 9/27/11 9:13 PM

Week 4 - More of the Same:

Anya Marina - All the Same to Me

This is the 1st time in 30 years the Lions have been favored (-3.5) at Vikings... and those fkrs won by 3 and didn't cover! But we play straight up here on the NFL side of P-F11, so moving on.

The NFL was just more of the same this week. You know, the Bills and Lions are undefeated. The Raiders beat the Jets. Romo durped his team to an all field goal win. And Michael Vick got targeted a lot.

And this too.


At least some of that stuff was more of the same.


Scorecard:

Shout out to Pimp Posse (JB) for the weekly win with 13 of 16 correct picks. This was enough to vault him 9 places in the standings to the top spot. Check out the rest below.
Pickem-Football.com 2011 Week 4 NFL Card (v1.0) - Scorecard



Bonus:
Washington @ Dallas -6.5 (Pick against the spread), WASH 16, DAL 18
+2 Ano, GN, KW, KH, KZ, RK, CG, KSc, GF, DCo, A-C, DD, CG, JB, JN, ANe, MF, SE, SS, CW, D2, AP, KP

Washington @ Dallas (Who commits more turnovers?), WASH = 2, DAL = 2
PUSH.

P-F11: Week 4 NCAA Results

updated 9/27/11 4:37 PM

Good Luck!:
Good Gary! Kentucky Wildmen (GF) posted a P-F11 weekly record of 13 correct picks. 87% ATS (13% short of perfect)! Despite 13 other people scoring double digits, that score was enough to push him up 13 spots in the P-F11 standings. Good luck next week!

My picks were pretty lucky too. Lucky like this soccer attack.




Colours:

Grouplove - Colours (Captain Cuts Remix)

I added some colors to the weekly scorecard totals. Don't be afraid.
red = no picks
purple = lucky dog(s)
green = week winner(s)

It's the colors you have.
No need to be sad.
It really ain't that bad.

Scoreboard:
Chumlee's Banditos (KP) holds scoreboard after another double digit week (11). 67% ATS is insane, and only 4 weeks into this thing, he already has a 5 point lead over the next competitors.

As a league, we managed 60% ATS, so we could have collectively won a tiny bit of money in Vegas... just enough to cover the juice.

Until this message disappears, the scorecard is pending weekly bonus question points.
Pickem-Football.com 2011 Week 4 NCAA Card (v1.0)-Scorecard

Week 4 Leaderboard:



When the Ags Try to Get at Ya...
...drop it like it's hooooooot (skip to the 3:25 mark for a special Gundy treat)




The SEC Tries Their Luck with 13 by Adding the Aggies:

Ghostface Killah - Back Like That (f. Ne-Yo)

I've read it was inevitable. Despite accepting Nebraska and Colorado's exit fees as a bribe and pledging their allegiance to the flag to the Big XII just last year, the Aggies completed a move their President said described as being in the works for a year and a half. To these eyes, the move doesn't make a lot of sense. Raise your hand if you've ever said anything Aggie related "made sense." Put your hand down Gig'em Baby (AP).

Deep down everyone wants their family members to succeed, even if selfishly we don't ever want them to be successful enough to make us jealous. Luckily in this case, that ain't hap'nin. The Agros will slot in the SEC somewhere in the Tennessee/Arkansas territory at best. In the BCS era, that means fading from national prominence. Texas A&M is unique though, because they never really knew what national prominence tasted like anyway (and you can't really miss what you never had).

Good luck, fighting purple thumbs. I'm looking forward to the first out of conference Lone Star Showdown.... on the Longhorn Network. Gig.

UPDATE: Hold Up, Maybe Only the Football Team is Going to the SEC:
At least that's what I learned from this (admittedly sweet) video

NCAA Football TV Watching Guide 09/24/11

Another glorious day on the couch. Below is my itinerary.
ncaa-on-tv--2011-09-24

P-F11: Week 4 Cards

(updated 9/21/11 11:03 AM)


NCAA Pick'em

• NCAA - Week 4 Form
• NCAA - Week 4 Printable Card

NFL Pick'em

• NFL - Week 4 Form
• NFL - Week 4 Printable Card

P-F11: Week 3 NFL Results

I hear the Brown's plane got stuck in the mud in Cleveland.

Yeah, uhh, my picks yesterday got stuck in the mud.

Here is yo scorecard link:
WEEK 3 NFL SCORECARD

WEEK 3 LEADERBOARD:

P-F11: Week 3 NCAA Results

updated 9/20/11 9:46 PM

Kick (Your) Ass Weekend:
Saturday was a pretty solid day of action, but you guys have to be honest, the clash in the evening was the best part of the day. No, not the ou/fsu game: Mayweather vs. Merchant.



You Don't Know Sh!t About Picking:

Robyn - Cobrastyle

And by "you," I mean whoever that Ferments-A-Lot guy is. The average league score for Week 3 was 7.4 (about 50% ATS), but a few of you are still making a statement that you are smarter than Vegas. Newcomer Chumlee's Banditos (KP) is averaging nearly 10/15 for the first three weeks, and the perennial frontrunner lady team (also frequent team name changer) Topo Chicas (A-C) is only 1 pick behind. Shout out to 1 Man Wolfpack (MF) and Above Average Joe (JG) who got dubs this week.

Check out the results below.
Pickem-Football.com 2011 Week 3 NCAA Card (v1.0) - Scorecard

WEEK 3 LEADERBOARD:



BONUS: New Lucky Dog Rule:
The votes are in and I've got an announcement to make. The vote was very close and I'm pleased to announce that... I'll be telling you after the break.



Hopefully you watched that video closely. I could Mystery Science Theater 3000 the shit out of that one. Speaking of lucky, the "Lucky Dog" rule won the popular vote 18 to 14. I will be signing that bill into law soon, and it will be enforced starting Week 4 in both contests. Just to clarify, the lowest scoring team(s) will get the score of the next lowest picker. If you forget to turn in your card (or send in late picks and fail to score what the next lowest picker scored), you will get the lowest picker's score and will not be eligible for the Lucky Dog. Got it? Good.

NCAA Football TV Watching Guide 09/16/11

I love being a season ticket holder. Revisiting campus. Eating at my old college favorites. Tailgating. The college football atmosphere is tremendous. However this indulgence comes at the expense of my other favorite football season activity: Doing nothing but watch football from morning to midnight all -- freaking -- weekend. (I bet you thought I was going to say "update our Pick'em-Football league").

This weekend is my first football weekend of the season spent at home. For the last few years, when I get a "home" weekend on the schedule, I've been putting together a TV listing guide so I always know what games are on, where to find them, and when to put them on. I'm just saying, I don't have four TVs in my living room to keep up with news and cooking shows, y'all. So while you guys may not have your cable split as many times, get the same kind of Comcastic service, or even live in the same city, you may still find the guide useful as a way to keep up with the madness that is college football broadcasting.

Below are my tentative Saturday plans.
ncaa-on-tv--2011-09-17


Cheers, and enjoy your weekend, however you choose to spend it. I'll be on the couch if you need me.

P-F11: Week 3 Cards

(updated 9/15/11 9:44 AM)


NCAA Pick'em

• NCAA - Week 3 Form
• NCAA - Week 3 Printable Card

NFL Pick'em

• NFL - Week 3 Form
• NFL - Week 3 Printable Card

P-F11: The MNF Abomination

Thanks a lot guys.

This week's bonus question was going to be a good one for me... because it only has one right answer! More games on TV is always better. However, many of you took the paragraph answer format I left to be pretty damned thoughtful and/or funny with your answers. You guys are in mid-season form in Week 2!

Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi - Two Against One (feat. Jack White)

As a result, instead of handing out 1 point to those of you that got it wrong (KW, RK, CCa, CCo, Lo, A-C, DD, CG, JB, MN, JN, MF, SE, CW, MM, D2, JG, KP) and 2 points to those that got it right (ANo, GN, DW, KH, KZ, KSc, GF, JH, DCo, ANe, SS, KSh GD, AP) I would be remiss if I didn't share some of this stuff (and deal out a few extra points on top of what is stated above). I should have known after Week 1, where Mr. Smokeypants (KH) said the bonus question answers were collectively some of the best the league has ever seen.

For example, last week's NCAA bonus winner The Yeasty Beasties (KW) totally had the wrong answer, but basically said, "put that garbage in another man's face!" Instead of paraphrasing, let me do some copy/pasting:

Peep this, why put us through twice as much crappy commentary? The “Man” totally wants us to buy in to it, but I threw it on the ground, I’m not part of his system. Not to mention, drinking from Thursday night to Monday night hardcore, so let’s double up on the day that’s supposed to be the ramp down for the week. What ev’s.

Whoa, wait a minute. What is this "ramp down" of which you speak? In the mean time, fetch me a double. Here is a +1 point tip.

Crappy commentary? Throwin' Darts (MM) laid down a freaking all time great response:

An abomination? What does a big scary snowman have to do with football. Must be a Ray Nitschke reference from the '67 Ice Bowl. That was certainly the scariest snowman in history.

Inevitable is the more appropriate word for two Monday night football games. For years we had to make due with just one but the question is why? Elementary, my dear Tagliabue, the answer is talent. For years we were limited by the low talent group of Keith Jackson/Frank Gifford, Howard Cosell/Don Meredith. Let's face it, who really wanted to watch these guys? Fortunately, in the last few years we have experienced an influx of talent. When you have Paul Maguire, Robin Roberts, Suzy Kolber, and Dan Fouts as on air talent, you have to take extreme measures. With all this talent, it is no wonder we don't play every game on Monday night........wait a minute, note to self, send letter to commissioner. Who could ever forget Rush Limbaugh's bid to become the next MNF legend, certainly not Donovan McNabb. No folks, it is the wave of the future, every game on Monday night! Soon your Sundays will be free to mow lawns and wash cars. Does anybody have Dennis Miller's number?

I vow to work "Elementary, my dear Tagliabue" into my football watching lexicon. I wish I had more points to give out, but I capped this question at 3 points (and I NEVER change the rules midstream). +2.

Mr. Smokeypants (KH) doesn't mind the commentary, and he appreciates the two games and thinks it should be more than just once a year. Of course, if you know Smokey, you'll know he thinks the "real abomination is the lack of hotties on the sideline mic." If only they could tastefully add boxing ring girls to the broadcasts... or a dedicated 3D cheerleader cam. This is for Smokeypants. I'm just speaking for him.

We had plenty of examples that got it totally wrong, then proceded to work their way toward zero points. Like the worldly Chicainery (CCa), who couldn't stop typing wrong things:

2 games. Who really wants to watch 6+ more hours of football after football all weekend? Either a good game is stolen from Sunday, or a crap game that doesn't need to be featured. Terrible.

I agree with that last part.

The World will always have its fill of brown nosers, and no one does it in P-F bonus answers like Large Donkey IPA (KSc). He probably knows I support the most possible football on my TV and that I have an unnatural contempt for the franchise in Dallas:

MORE FOOTBALL IS NEVER BAD. The is biggest abomination is when they put the F'ing Cowboys on MNF.

Then there is a awesomeness that is Kentucky Wildmen (GF). If you don't like this answer, then you read it wrong. Let me just add, I'm really glad we have our old Gary back. +1 for that.

MNF on cable was a sore spot on me. That means that there is something else on that I will have to fight with my family to watch. At least when it was on ABC, I never had to worry about "I want to watch "x" show on ESPN." F'kin ABC network for making a guys life that much more misserable. It's bad enough that I have to deal with an oversized mouse on prozac, an overstressed duck with a speech impediment, and a mentally retarded dog. You would think that would be enough, BUT NO!!!! Now I have the bachelor!!! You heard of turducken, I wonder what dogduckouse would taste like.

Speaking of sore spots, I didn't know this would strike a cord with the poor:

I was a poor boy growing up in the streets of H-Town. We barely had enough money to afford a 19in television, much less cable. One of the sporting events that kept our family so close during difficult times was MNF. Without that, there's no telling where I'd be now. Growing up to the sweet superlatives of Dan Dierdorf taught me that absolutely everything I come across in life is the "best of all time".

MNF on cable? I think not.
-Hellfish (KSh)

and,

MNF on cable, what do the poor people do? I'll tell you what we do, we go to a rich cousins house...see ya Monday cuz!
-Cacti3 (DCo)

or parents of little ones:

Two MNF games i mean damn man its bad enough i'm forced to drink beer, yell, and cuss on Monday nights but now you'll require me to feel worse about waking my 5 yr old up with the melodious sounds of obscenities even later into the night and push me ever closer into the dangerous realm of "how many is too many since i have to be up at 5:45am" SMH
-WhooDat4Life (Lo) +1

or conservatives:

I don't know what abomination is, sounds like a democrat, and I'm a republican. And so I'm gonna assume its something I don't like, and I don't two games in one night. Yes two games in one night is am Obama nation.
-Beelzebubbles (CCo) +1

or abstainers:

double header = more drinking time
-Diggers (GD)

or people that work late:

Couldn't they have one on Monday and then the other one on Tuesday....some of us have to work and will miss part of the most important game of the week (Pats vs. Dolphins)
-Chumlee's Banditos (KP)

Unless I put in on lock down, and sometimes even if I try, you can sure bet someone will figure out a way not to answer the question. I recall last year when I asked who would score the most this week and Beelzebubbles responded "Me." *sigh*

Dirt Burglers (D2), totally owning the deep history of thieving his state and school pride was built on responded, "There are traditions in the NFL?" Yes, but nothing as great as kiddie horses and repetitive songs. Roughnecks (CW) wondered if "they still play(ed) football on Monday nights". Booyeah! (MN) has a prescriptivist disdain for neologism, or at least that's what Wikipedia tells me. Anyway, he responded with "what is MNF?" OMFG! Finally, Naked Bootleggers (JN) isn't really buying into this whole two game thing, but he thinks the biggest abomination is "the late game being between two of the worst teams in the league".

The most sobering answer to my simple question, with only one correct answer I might add, came from BlitzKrieg (RK).

Neither. Allow me to explain:

As a fan of a team that normally plays in the 1 p.m. Eastern slot on Sundays, I tend to miss at least half of the NFL games a week. I love the idea of moving one of these games to Monday night to create a doubleheader -- I now have the option of seeing one more game a week.

Due to a steady ratings decline over the course of decades, ABC decided it did not want Monday Night Football in its prime time lineup any longer. If the choice is MNF on cable or no MNF at all, I'll take the former. Also, remember that the Sunday night game was created for cable TV. Once ABC decided against MNF, the NFL moved the Sunday night game onto an over-the-air network and made it its featured prime time game of the week. Let's face it -- even Jack Donaghy had to face the realities of cable becoming ubiquitous.

+2, I think next week's question is going to be multiple choice.

P-F11: Week 2 NFL Results

(updated 9/13/11 10:26 AM)

Pickem-Football.com 2011 Week 2 NFL Card (v1.0) - Scorecard

WEEK 2 NFL LEADERBOARD:

P-F11: Week 2 NCAA Results, WTF are Bonus Points?

(updated 9/13/11 10:38 AM)

This is the sh!ttier version of this post.
An unfortunate powering down of the laptop ate the awesome version. This is not that awesome post. This isn't even much of a tribute.

If there was one thing we learned from Week 2 of P-F11, it was -- by the way the *only* great thing about losing a whole update is I can say it was really awesome and no one can dispute my claim -- the laptop powers down real fast. There is almost no stopping it.

My college football Saturday consisted of driving (Bastrop is sad, y'all), cooking, sweating, drinking, eating, sweating, finally seeing a win on the home field of the good guys, and typing in scores here while watching College Gameday Final. Whatever was on that show... that's what I know about Week 2. But enough about me.

It's early, but Large Donkey IPA (KSc), Gig'em Baby (AP), BlitzKrieg (RK), Topo Chicas (A-C), and Chumlee's Banditos (KP) have established themselves as the teams to beat. I can explain RK's score... he's found out a way to cheat my system. A-C... those ladies are constantly flip flopping on their picks. AP and KP... I watched the NFL kickoff on Thursday with them and obviously gave away too many secrets. Those facts are indisputable. However, you guys should watch out for KSc. This week he earned his 2nd straight dub (double digit score) against the spread. That's not normal. If he keeps that up, expect a jinx in the form of an open ended bonus question to come.

WEEK 2 SCORECARD:
Pickem-Football.com 2011 Week 2 NCAA Card (v1.0)


WEEK 2 LEADERBOARD:




Bonus Points, WTF
You know you want them. You get them sometimes and you don't even know what you did. You wake up in the middle of the night in a pool of bed sweat wondering if you'll have enough. I promised an explanation of P-F bonus points, and this y'all, is that explanation.

The Gossip - Sick With It (CD Bonus Track)

I think we can all agree that life is pretty OK. Sure, sometimes it's kinda meh. What makes life special are bonuses. Something extra. Rewards. P-F bonus points don't really make life better (sorry). However, what we all need more of in life are things that almost arbitrarily make us feel better or worse about ourselves. That's what P-F bonus points are all about.

For each contest, you'll be collecting these little offerings. The points for the two contests are tallied independently and applied to the post season contests for the NCAA and NFL. Here's how to get rewarded (I reserve the right to add to this list as I remember more opportunities)

List updated 9/12/11 9:49 AM

• Pay Your Entry Fee (+1 for the week you pay and every subsequent week in each contest)
• Dubs (+3, double digit weekly score. Dubs = 10 in NCAA, 12 in NFL)
• Weekly Winner(s) (+3 for scoring the highest in any given week)
• Bonus Questions (+0-5 or more, depending on the question)
• Perfect Pick'em Card (+25, but this has only happened a few times in Pick'em history)

If you have fallen way behind, don't get down on yourself. Likewise, if you have a huge bonus point lead, you might want to temper your celebration dances. The bonus points are normalized to give the leader a 5-10% advantage over the team with the least bonus points.

Any questions? Leave them below.

P-F11: Week 2 Cards

(updated 9/8/11 10:00 AM)

COMMISSIONER'S NOTE: NFL starts with a Thursday night game. At a minimum, fill out your NFL card with this pick before the kickoff.

NCAA Pick'em

• NCAA - Week 2 Form
• NCAA - Week 2 Printable Card

NFL Pick'em

• NFL - Week 2 Form
• NFL - Week 2 Printable Card

Critique of Some Brilliancy

The Yeasty Beasty's (KW) bonus question answer was pretty, pretty good. I'm not saying that it was better than yours, but it is getting its own post.

So gather 'round, Kyle's the new fool in town, and his sound will be laid down when you hit play and sh!t.

Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance

So just let me introduce myself, My name is Ag-gie, pronounced with a Ag-gie. Yo 'Horns, oh how I like to Gig thee. And all the haters in the Big XII--please allow me to flip thee. I'm steppin' tall, y'all, and just like Miami, you're gonna fall when the Announcers pump me. I like to Whoop, I like my beats military, I'm rowdy. I like my ladies sayin' Howdy. I'm sick wit dis, screw Coachy Mack, but sometimes I get to yell, I Pass It Back and we get to BEAT THE HELL! Hey yo fat girl, c'mere--why ya wearing purple? Yeah, I called ya fat. Look at me, our time's due, It never stopped me from yellin' Hullabaloo. I'm a Dead Zip. I like the girls in maroon, I once got busy in a Dudley's Draw bathroom. I'm crazy. Allow me to amaze thee. They say I'm a traitor but it just don't faze me. I'm still gettin' in the SEC and I don’t even need my own station on the TV.

The Big XII or the X or the IX [It’ll fail baby] Super Conference Time, it’s Super Conference Time.

Plus Five. Just saying.

Now a rhyme is a pretty shameless way to max out your bonus points, and since I'm doing a little soundtracking of P-F11 this year, KW post inspired me to scratch out a little Digital Underground parody of my own.

A-doooo-reeer-dooooo-reeer. Samoans, let's get stooopid!

Digital Underground - Freaks of the Industry

[...Shock G's verse... that's the 2nd one popster... do it!]

Say you’re fillin’ [Fillin’?].You’re ready for some swillin’, and the card of the week is right in front of you. The mthrfking bonus question is open ended [C’mon now!]. You want to skip it [Yeeaah] but that’s not recommended [Uh-uh]. No, not with bonus question points on the line. Is it worth the time? Just listen to this rhyme. [Mm-hmm]

A’ght , here’s the scene: You’re sitting on your ass, cursor going blink-blink on the screen. You just picked fifteen of fifteen. Should you: A.) Open up a tab and surf YouTube, B.) Use this space to maybe talk about boobs, C.) Put sumpin’ that you’ll be proud of… Well the answer is D [Dee!], all of the above. So you’re flowing [Flowin’.]. The keys are just glowing [Glowin’.] You’re just zonin’, cranking out your masterpiece. Word to word, and verb to noun, you’re phrasing it in ways that it has never been down, ‘til your lover starts makin’ those nagging sounds, which is fine, but your answer is only part through. The bitchin’s getting louder, you can’t close down your browser. In this situation, what do you do? [What?]: A.) You, sweetly yell out “yo, I’mm bussyyy!” B.) A compliment, “you look prettyyy!” C.) You stand and raise up your pimp hand high. Well D is what I do, lemme tell you why. I get up and quickly score.  Next I step out and close the door. Now my love won’t bug me anymore. Back to the card, that ain’t hard, now I can focus. Let’s see how I can pull max points up on this bonus [oh bone-us]. Getting’ back to my mission, double entendres and old memories, and tell them all to suck my diction:  ou sucks worse than aggies suck in this bcs that sucks. Don’t be like, “Hey commish, this is dumb and you’re a Grade A shmuck.” You can rhyme it, big time it, lemon lime it, 'n yeah I’m it. And once it’s sent, get up, you're one hundred percent. So ya might be a liiiittle tiny bit of a freak, but I say “Yo, this is brilliant, no need to critique!”

[Now if there's a cure for this, I don't want it, I'll run from it. And if there's a remedy, I don't need it, I just eat it.]
-Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

P-F11: Week 1 NCAA Bonus - Goodbye to A&M

On the Week 1 NCAA card, I asked you guys to do a little role playing, agro style. You are:
a. The SEC welcoming the Aggies
b. The BigXII bidding the Aggies farewell
c. The Aggies introducing yourself

Team name, Your answer, Commissioner notes +points

ANo	Northmen	SEC: Welcome Baylor! ATM: ummm we're ATM SEC: Same difference......	Great start. An Aggie & Baylor joke. Nice. +4
GN	Ferments-A-Lot	Aggies! Someone told me you guys moved. I turned around to see if you were there, and sure enough... gone. How long has it been? I could have sworn I heard you back there all this time. Well, got some things to do. Good catchin' up. Gotta go.	Good one, me. +4
KW	The Yeasty Beasties	[REDACTED]	This winning entry will get its own post. +5
DW	Bevo XIV	Lassie will wake up in 2015 and realize that they are relegated to 1-7 conference record every year, assuming they manage to beat Ole Miss.	Collie reference. +4
KH	Mr. Smokeypants	I find it strange that none of the media coverage is centered on the ags running in the red. They are getting some valid props for appearing to think 100 years down the road. But knowing what we know about ags, Bill Byrne, and the turnstile leadership at the top, I'm guessing this is more motivated by the sinking ship that is their budget. You don't hear about their alumni coming to the rescue when times are tough. And the SEC cannot save all that sh*t. Enjoy just getting by ags. That's always a fun feeling. There's a reason ags enjoy cheap beer. It's all they can afford. And they can put that in the corn-cob pipes and smoke it. Goodbye and good luck fkrs. That goes for your little dog too. Don't let the 'Dores hit you on your way in.	(Almost) the best. Still worth top points. +5
KZ	Mad Bomber	another team to boost lsu's ranking when we beat them again and again. we welcome you aggies. tiger bait tiger bait!	Look out puppy, Tigers are licking their chops! +4
RK	BlitzKrieg	We would rather be out of t.u.'s shadow than be successful. CORPS - LET'S SHOW THESE FOLKS HOW WE SQUEEZE OUR PACKAGE FOR EIGHTH PLACE! WHOOP!	All true. +4
CCa	Chicainery	Well as a UT fan I say fuck the Aggies, but hopefully that annual game continues. No natural rivalry with LSU...they don´t really make sense in the SEC. Man I go off the grid for a few weeks and this is what happens? I guess the Big 12 is dying a slow, slow death...bad timing for the Longhorn Network.	Or perfect timing. Have you seen Texas make any effort to stop them? Just saying. +4
KSc	Large Donkey IPA	Welcome ATM! Congratulations you are moving from a conference where you were the 3rd best team sometimes to a conference where you will be no better than the 6th best team ever. At least you can be competitive with Kentucky and Vanderbilt (at least some years). Bring your little dog and swaying garbage and we will bury them all in the end zone of Death Valley.	Endzone burials are totally cool. +4
GF	Kentucky Wildmen	(no answer)	+0
JH	Bob and Gary Destroyers	Finally, the forgotten little brother is moving out of the house to try to make a name for himself. Unfortunately, he'll always be overshadowed by the success of his bigger and older brother.	This is why they hate Texas. +4
CCo	Beelzebubbles	Go already!! GET THE F*@$ OUT!! You still here? Take your 18 teeth amoungst you football team and get gone already! Nobody likes you! Nobody wants you! I cant even bear to look at you! You make me sick! You make me want to literally tear my eyes out everytime I read another dang story about you!! Please go away already..and God Bless	This is why they hate Texas Tech. +4
DCo	Cacti3	Cheers big ears! Now get Ta steppin!	Word. +4
Lo	WhooDat4Life	Welcome to the SEC! After signing the appropriate papers please go ahead and register your bribery err...supplemental recruiting account with the division. And although you will not have a winning season we will find at least 3 to 4 "duck" teams to keep your boosters happy!	What!? The next thing you are going to tell me is that the SEC isn't known for its academics! +4
A-C	Topo Chicas	Adios Aggies. Peace out. I hope your "pretend Army fatigues" and silly little haircuts are received well.	Their fake, unaffiliated military dudes will bust a cap. Just maybe saying. +4
DD	Devil Dawgs	My name is Texas A&M. I haven't had a.... meaningful late-season game in 12 years. I gave up my rivalry, and place in football history. I am now a cautionary tale. I am the new Arkansas. Welcome to the SEC. To paraphrase the great Dan Hawkins, it's intramural football, it ain't the Big 12.	Trend alert. A&M is the new Arkansas! +4
CG	13 National Championships	Aggie slaps... Please note the lack of male cheerleaders in the SEC, just saying... Oh, and don't be surprised if an ole boy in a BAMA shirt tries to defend your lady as you tongue rape her after an aggie score, we don't play that shit. Other than that I'm looking forward to watching beat downs on the reg in college station.	I thought you guys all rooted for each other, right? +4
JB	Pimp Posse	A&M you can come to the SEC but you can not have fishbowl rights....those belong to LSU for the state of Texas in the SEC....	What are fishbowl rights? Seriously, I tried to look it up. +4
MN	Booyah!	Farewell. Maybe the SEC will approve of your inbreeding and white trash ways....	What constitutes an improvement. And will we notice? +4
JN	Naked Bootleggers	Take our little brother (OSU) as well!	Don't ruin this for Texas, okies! +4
ANe	SEC Rejects	Howdy Y'all!! We are Texas A&M. We hate UT so much we had to move here just to punish them. We feel the best way to hurt UT is to open up an SEC recruiting pathway into Texas. We obviously can't attract any quality athletes, but hopefully Florida, Alabama, and the other high quality SEC opponents can. It might actually help us get some new talent too, as we can purchase some players once we join up, after our $28 Million dollar penalty wears off anyway. I know that we aren't ever going to compete in football in the SEC, but wait until you see our 12th man! I think you are going to like the fact that we alienated many of our fans because they won't travel as much and you will not have to compete with all those Aggie faithful. We only ask that you go easy on us that first year...we are already sore from being bent over so many times by UT. Thanks for the welcome!	Most of us stopped listening at Howdy. +4
MF	1 Man Wolfpack	thanksgiving's been real, later poozies	I don't hear poozy enough in my regular life. +4
SE	Team Awesome	Aggies welcome to the SEC, the hardest division in college football yall better be ready to play against some of the best teams in the nation. bring your A game thanks SEC	Mark my words, Aggies are going to WIPE THE FLOOR with SEC equestrian teams!1! +4
SS	Rose Ate It	The Big XII is burning. Smart move, ags, getting out on your own terms before the conference is completely destroyed. Good luck. You're going to need it.	Wrong! The aggies aren't arrogant or self centered. Remember? +4
CW	Roughnecks	Whoever thinks that the Longhorn Network (LHN) will be influential towards recruiting needs to be drug out into the middle of the street and put out of commission. Yes, UT will air the first football game on LHN. IT'S AGAINST RICE PEOPLE. The only people who are going to be watching it are Longhorn faithful and about 20 Rice fans. After that, what's the biggest show to be aired on LHN? WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL vs PEPPERDINE! PEPPERDINE! and after that? WOMEN'S SWIMMING VS SOME COMMUNITY COLLEGE IN CALIFORNIA! Who is going to watch that? Even Mack Brown is already tired of camera crews in his office during meetings while they are discussing strategies for upcoming games. All of this makes A&M cry foul. You guys agreed to it last year when Colorado and Nebraska jumped ship from the Titanic. Guess what baby - this ship is going down.	That pesky network. You know, the same network that Bill Byrne declined to be a part of a few years back. For Texas, the network isn't about the Rice game… it's a 100 year decision. +4
KSh	Hellfish	This is all a sham. In a year or two, the rivalry game will be back and that's really all anyone cares about. UT will continue to hate A&M and vice versa. It's great for both schools. A&M gets from out of the shadows of UT, and now UT can set up the Big 12 exactly like they want it...ie..adding BYU. In the end, like everything else in college sports, this is all about a money grab. During this process, the higher ups have figured out a way to stir up a bee hive that is the moronic fan bases of both schools. Hope this qualifies in your little bonus point competition. The rest of you numb nuts will need it to keep up with Hellfish.	I think Texas fans' problem is that they don't hate the aggies enough. Maybe this will help. +3. Insulting the commisioner is an interesting approach to get subjectively assigned bonus points. +1 for the ballsiness.
MM	Throwin' Darts	(no answer)	+0
AP	Gig'em Baby	So long to the orange and the white! T.U. can keep their network and their cheap antics to recruit players and will be playing with just themselves in the future. A&M will face tougher competition, and will rise up to the challenge in short order. As a parting gift, the Aggies will win the championship...good luck and Gig'em!	+4 for capitalizing T.U. That's respect! Aggies will win the next FIVE championships, right?
KP	Chumlee's Banditos	Farewell A&M have fun getting your butt kicked by SEC teams	Their butts are used to things. Thumbs up! +4

P-F11: Week 1 NCAA Results, It begins...

The kickoff. The alpha week. How did you do from the gitgo (how is that word in Websters)?

WEEK 1 SCORECARD:
Pickem-Football.com 2011 Week 1 NCAA Card (v1.0)

WEEK 1 LEADERBOARD:



Speaking of the beginning, I'm going to do a little soundtracking of the Pickem-Football 2011 season. I'm not sure where I'll go with it, or even if I'll stick with it, but this week's theme made me think of a story. For the proper Soundtracking P-F11 effect, hit play as you go along.

THE BEGINNING:
My seventh and eighth grade reading teacher, Ms. Probst, didn’t care much for me. I don’t know what her deal was, because I get along with – like – everybody. However, like most of us, Ms. Probst had a flaw. Her flaw was that she thought everyone was inherently good.

I too have a flaw. I like winning.

Michael Jackson - Bad

Ms. Probst headed up our Jr. High’s chapter of the Peer Support Group... whatever that is. I guess the group probably helped boost losers’ self-esteem, maybe it kept kids away from drugs, and it probably promoted us to all be nice to each other. For the most part though, grade schoolers are little budding a-holes that are unknowingly slotting into the chaste system they’ll be bound to once they get to high school. Some need a little support, I guess. You remember.

U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

EL PRESIDENTE:
This section was going to be called "The Peer Support Group was stupid". At our Junior High we ate lunch outside, and the Peer Support Group got to eat lunch inside once a week. In Mandeville, Louisiana, that was a pretty big deal (if you don’t know, picture Houston with more humidity and ten times more bugs). I don’t have a whole lot of lunch memories from eighth grade, but I’ll always remember the look on Ms. Probst’s face when I walked in to that portable classroom building for the year’s first Peer Support Group meeting.

Priceless.

REM - It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

But when I got myself elected as Peer Support Group President, Ms. Probst looked like a very large part of her had died inside. A few of you reading this may have been part of the coup that voted me in.

Folks, that’s winning.

ON LOCK DOWN:
A trivial consequence of rotting the soul of my reviled reading teacher by assuming the powerful position of Peer Support Group President was the obligation to attend a few events. One was some conference in New Orleans. I don’t remember much about that except it was really boring and I went with three girls. The other obligation was to attend a lock-in at the high school. This too would have been completely forgettable if it weren’t for a friend I met.

INXS - Mediate

For whatever reason, I think I was the only one ballsy enough to bring a radio. So, while others were peer supporting or whatever the hell people in this distinguished organization do (seriously, I still don’t know), my homies and I were jamming out to whatever tapes I had brought that day… probably UB40, Bobby Brown or INXS (I’m sure I left my Debbie Gibson at home).

Then something magical happened.

“DO YOU LIKE BASS OR TREBLE?”:
ME: Huh?
PEER: You know, bass is like boom-boom and treble is like chish-chish.
ME: Uhh. Never thought about it.
PEER: Check this out.

NWA - Straight Outta Compton

THE DOPEMAN:
That kid – whoever the heck he was, who knows why he was there, who even knows if he was even real – took a tape out of his pocket and put it in my radio. The tape he put in was N.W.A.’s Straight Outta Compton. Straight up game changer. Things have never been the same. Touché Ms. Probst. When you sent that angel of gangsta rap, you taught me a valuable lesson about winning, and you helped make me the man I am today. Thank you Peer Support Group!!

NWA - F*ck tha Police