Sunday, September 12, 2021

P-F21: Week 2 NCAA Bonus - Bad Pick Vaccine

Pick hesitancy is real, and the so-called sports experts have littered the internet and media airwaves with misinformation. Need further proof, authorities in Vegas were only correct on 26.67% of picks affecting our league.

But there is hope. Astronaut Jeff Bezos is rumored to be developing a vaccine that, during phase one testing, is improving picks in adult humans and chimps to 40+%. As an added benefit, Bezos is including a proprietary and permanent gene-modified signature that will apply Prime Savings to everything you purchase.

Given the proven weakness of our collective picks and the inability to trust Vegas authorities, will irrationality and cynicism rooted in our trust of numbers keep us from getting jabbed en masse? We asked around the league to find out.

PRIME NOW

Some were clearly exited. We found A Northmen (ANo) camped outside the Amazon clinic with an “In Prime We Trust!” tshirt (2). Rabid football fan Astros! (AP) and Swamp Dogs (DR) both yelled from their clinic tailgate, “We already pick less than 40% ATS and Prime is icing on top! Hell yeah whooo” (3)

In between shots, and seemingly at several pre-clinic tailgates, Bevo XV (DW) yelled “I would jump out of an airplane with no parachute for Prime Savings. Yassssss!” (3). This triggered a 2-minute call and response of “YASSSSS” with another patron calling himself the Bourbon Barrister (KH) (2). We would have had some riveting video of the exchange, if not for a pet chimp named Buddy the Chimp (BC) out there playing a game of fling the poo on the Bezos poster (4).

It became clear that much of the crowd at the clinic didn’t seem to care about their bad choices at all. For many, it is was all about Prime. Beelzebubbles (CC) said, “you had me at savings” (2). Huntwick Hosers (KW) knows about that savings, “With the affordability of Pick ‘Em think about how many 10s of dollars I would save every year!” (4).

For others, Bezos' vaccine was just another way to game the system. When asked if he'd be getting the shot, Bite a Kneecap Offs (RK) said "Absolutely -- I'd use the 60% winnings to buy Grays Sports Almanac at a 10% discount." That's solid maths right there (3).

PRIME HESITANT

In a world where bad decisions are a badge of honor and history has taught us to distrust the leadership of the top 1%, it isn’t surprising that not everyone was drinking Bezos’ kool-aid. “Nope,” Riggsmtb713 (CR) succinctly stated (1). Wearing his shirt pulled half over his head, “Hell no. Bezos is the Devil!” (2) snarled Cornholio’s Bunghole (BO)

Reluctance can sometimes be rationalized empirically. “I utilize a healthy organic natural approach to picking against the spread. No vaccine needed” (4). Shake and Baker (JN) is currently picking exactly at the guaranteed vaccine performance level, although he would have been immune to the bad decisions he made in Week 1 with Bezos’ new vaccine. His Prime status is unknown at the time of this report. Masks [ON]/OFF (RH), wearing a shirt that said “Fuck it, Mask Off” knows the place of masks, respects Prime, and has danced with technology billionaires before. On whether he’d be attending the clinic, he responded “Nah. May be too risky with my chip implant. Wife has the Prime Savings covered” (5).