Showing posts from 2014

P-F14: Week 18 Card & Scoreboard links

NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 18 Form NFL - Week 18 Scores

P-F14: Week 17 Card & Scoreboard links

NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 17 Form NFL - Week 17 Scores Look y'all, he may have effing hit him. You don't know.

P-F14: Week 16 Cards & Scoreboard links

NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 16 Form NFL - Week 16 Scores The Colts mascot is a D.

P-F14: Week 15 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 15 Form NCAA - Week 15 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 15 Form NFL - Week 15 Scores

P-F14: Week 14 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 14 Form NCAA - Week 14 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 14 Form NFL - Week 14 Scores Easy peezy lemon squeezy.

P-F14: Week 13 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 13 Form NCAA - Week 13 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 13 Form NFL - Week 13 Scores

P-F14: Week 12 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 12 Form NCAA - Week 12 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 12 Form NFL - Week 12 Scores PANTSED!

P-F14: Week 11 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 11 Form NCAA - Week 11 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 11 Form NFL - Week 11 Scores

P-F14: Week 10 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 10 Form NCAA - Week 10 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 10 Form NFL - Week 10 Scores NO MEANS NO!

P-F14: Week 9 NFL Bonus - YOUR Mid-Season Update

Relax guys. New Orleans is going to be eaux kay, OK. And what is up with New Orleans fans having such high expectations anyway? Speaking of the Bears, have they ever not been who we didn't already know they were? I gave you guys a chance to steer the mid-season update, but most of you wanted me to talk about the Seahawks and Cowboys. Let me get this out of the way. Both of these teams are fine y’all. This isn't college football. Every. Game. Doesn't. Matter. The Cowboys are awesome though. I hope you all agree. Clearly they are WAY different from field to front office than they have ever been. Mark my words. The Cowboys will win a championship. The Cowboys will win a championship as soon as Jerry Jones tricks the NFL into having no more than one round in the playoffs. (Do you see what I did there? The Cowboys, for an almost an entire generation, have had a hard time winning playoff games.) What else. What else. Cold fusion is hot again. No it’s not, it’s dea

P-F14: Week 9 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 9 Form NCAA - Week 9 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 9 Form NFL - Week 9 Scores

P-F14: Week 8 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 8 Form NCAA - Week 8 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 8 Form NFL - Week 8 Scores

P-F14: Week 7 NCAA Bonus - What is more annoying than the Boomer Sooner song?

Life is full of annoyances. Single riders in the HOV lane. The little pieces of dry skin next to your fingernails. People whistling. Life is full of wonderful things too, such as college football. Marching bands (excluding the marching part) are one of the many reasons why the college football experience is better than its professional counterpart. Many universities have iconic fight songs that can get the crowd excited with only the first few notes of the song. But not all these fight songs are created equal. Some are boring and repetitive, especially the ones played ad naueum after every play past scrimmage, every penalty, or every time Stoops makes the toad face. The University of Oklahoma put as much creativity into their fight song as God put into building Stoops' chin. Here is how you create such an annoying song. Step 1: Steal Yale's song, Boola Boola. Is their anything more appropriate for a school that identifies with illegally stealing things? Maybe if they

P-F14: Week 6 NFL Bonus - Is It Time To Count Out Touchdown Tom?

The Patriots got spanked and yanked in P-F Week 5 at Kansas City. So when is it OK to count out Touchdown Tom? YES. IT'S TIME TO COUNT OUT TOUCHDOWN TOM. "Yup. Curse of the Ugg Boots endorsement. That's what you get, douche." - The Velvet Neutral Ground (JC) I wasn't aware of this curse. Marky Mark is screwed too I guess. But also, this answer is wrong. You never count out Touchdown Tom. +1 "Yes. I think he is Too Old Tom now." - Lost Cause (JH) Speaking of shoes, you can be too old for Toms, but this answer is incorrect. Don't count him out. +1 "As Don Meredith would sing 'turn out the lights...the party's over...'" - Bevo XIV (DW) Do not play that song. Do not count him out. +1 "That's Tommy. And if those freaking receivers would just catch the damn ball we wouldn't be having this conversation. Wait, what's that Giselle, you've got to shower and go. Oh okay, now she's gone. Yeah, he's d

P-F14: Week 7 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 7 Form NCAA - Week 7 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 7 Form NFL - Week 7 Scores

P-F14: Week 6 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 6 Form NCAA - Week 6 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 6 Form NFL - Week 6 Scores

P-F14: Week 5 Results

Robots are great y'all. They vacuum your floors, they clean your pool, they build your cars, and they (allegedly) kill your terrorists. Robots do a lot of things that we humans frankly do poorly. This is why I'm shocked robots don't built parking garages. You know how I can prove that we suck at building parking garages? Because there isn't a single one on the entire Earth that is the same. On top of that, all of them suck donkey. Don't tell me that it has to do with footprint. I've seen two adjacent garages on a the same block with two different designs. Parking garages are are like freaking snowflakes. Speaking of robots, Dean's Mediocre Picks (DDa) was just a little more human this week against the spread. Dude has been super silent on his 63% ATS methods. I'll crack that code though. I don't have much else to say about Week 5, a week that I remember most for a lot of bad games. Like I'm sure someone once said, there are no bad games, just

P-F14: Week 5 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 5 Form NCAA - Week 5 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 5 Form NFL - Week 5 Scores

P-F14: Week 4 Results

How did you do in picking things this week? Don't forget to look for the tabs on the upper left to see the leaderboard, etc. Week 4, like the week before, was a pretty sleepy week of football. NFL had a Super Bowl rematch that was epic-ish, Clemson/FSU wasn't really as good as the drama, your favorite team probably wo--holy sht did you see that Mississippi State guy stomp on LSU -- I mean stomp LSU -- I mean Mississippi State stomped LSU? I guarantee you that no Aggie dude saw it because they were too busy spraying their man sauce all over the walls while watching that animal porn video. I know you've been watching that on repeat, so I don't need to write much about it. Also, this guy already did it better . Let's not get all excited that the cadet did something that 9 out of every 10 normal people would have done. Let's get excited that he did it emoting some much aggyness. Hoot ho

P-F14: Week 4 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 4 Form NCAA - Week 4 Scores NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 4 Form NFL - Week 4 Scores

P-F14: Week 3 NFL Results

What's going on in the NFL, you guys? Everyone is either injured, a really bad guy, or injured and a really bad guy!! But these guys are RICH! And we are all a wee bit jealous of that. What if being somewhere on the super shtty guy spectrum was required to be truly great? Could you be great? All of you that answered "Yes" can sit down now, you terrible bastards. I want to talk with the No's.  Have you ever joked, "Who do I have to kill to get..."?  Have you ever joked, "What woman do I have to knock the fk out to get..."  No? Not the last one? Don't get all pissed at me for typing it. Those are just questions, and we can all agree that the answer about domestic violence is deplorable. But murder? That sht is funny. Am I right? I'm just kidding y'all. All this stuff is screwing up the league. Can't we just go back to deciding if Redskins is racist? You can't hate numbers, so check these: NFL WEEK 3 SCO

P-F14: Week 3 NCAA Results - It's all about good picks

At the heart of this game of Pickem-Football is one basic principle: Make good picks . But before you have the opportunity to make these picks, you rely on your game commissioner to pick the games for you to pick. It is with a humble heart that I admit failure this week. Now I don't often fail, but when I do, I almost never admit it. I'm just saying. My picks weren't good this week and I'm ashamed. Real ashamed. Ashamed like the time I couldn't think of what to cook at my BYU themed tailgate and decided just to do spicy chicken quesadillas. They don't eat spicy chicken quesadillas in Utah. Their signature foods at stuff like a potato casserole called funeral potatoes, lime Jell-O with vegetables in it, burgers with pastrami on them (??), and a dipping sauce for fries that mysteriously is just mayo, ketchup, and relish. Seriously, I looked it up . So while I'm eating enjoying my quesadilla it hit me. Jell-O shots. Jell-O shots would have been fkn PERFEC

P-F14: Week 3 Cards & Scoreboard links

NCAA Pick'em NCAA - Week 3 Form   NCAA - Week 3 Scores   NFL Pick'em NFL - Week 3 Form NFL - Week 3 Scores

P-F14: Week 2 Results Blowout Post

Hey league. Shout out from Jury Room #2 and the Harris County court system. Shout out to civic duties. Shout out to all you potential jurors reading this over my shoulder. I know its tight here, but seriously -- this is awkward. I’m in two photos already. Shout out to Facebook posts. People freaking post everything to Facebook these days. One of the pictures is a selfie. Tag me. I’m in the one in the photo with the “Seriously?” look on my face. Week two of FBS games. Week one of NFL games. First blog post. Zero Ray Rices. Anyone ready to change their team name to “Beats by Ray”? That one is still available -- you insensitive bastards. We do have a history here at Pickem-Football for that kind of stuff. Not domestic violence -- you accusatory bastards. I’m talking about insensitivity. Anyone remember when Turn Down for Whats (KW) made that sweet but country strong Sooner fan quit because of his insensitive remarks about sexual abuse? (She was also last in points and hadn't p

The Official 2014 Pickem-Football Annual Recruitment Post

In no other game in history have there been so many choices. More choices mean more opportunities; more opportunities mean more potential to win and (possibly) defeat your enemies. Picking is easy, but picking football games successfully is only slightly more difficult than flipping a coin. Gang, whether you are a seasoned veteran or new to this game, you made a great choice today: reading this text. Your choices are truly what define you, and I know that you are perfect, maybe even born specifically, for the 2014 iteration of pickem-football. I got an email years ago: “Just what is pickem-football?” Friends, it is possibly one of the greatest tools to both casually follow along during the football season while also practicing your picking proficiency in life. “Sounds great, but how exactly to you plan on improving my life?”  The method is simple and effective. By presenting an abundance of choice. An elaborate buffet of choices. Quick, simple, choices. When you find yourself

P-F13: NFL Playoff Contest, Part 1 - Welcome to our neutral ground

(hit play for the full effect) 80s. 90s. Same difference. He promised LSU would win the BCS National Championship. (Last year too.) I almost positive that he used some version of "fuck" in every single open ended bonus question last year. (This year, not fucking once.) He is the only person I've ever recruited off of someone else's Facebook page. (Seriously.) He's confident. He's honest. He brings these assets to his picks every single week. And to his Facebook comments too. It is high time to bring these principles to the masses. He plays for fun. He plays till he bleeds. He can bring you to your na-na na-na na-na knees. He's The Velvet Neutral Ground (JC), and welcome to our jungle. Click to enlarge. Last updated 1/19/14 9:03 PM 

P-F13: Bowl Pick'em Challenge, Part 5 - A Note From The Commissioner, Don't Let Me Down

(hit play for the full effect) (The commissioner walks out with a slow, short cycled head bob. Finger point. Finger point. He makes his way to the podium in the middle of the stage. White-guy pistol shot to stage left.) When I made myself Commissioner a little over a decade ago, I didn't know the magnitude of the challenge before me. I was merely copying a online game by a local Austin news station. Now I'm entrusted with promoting and protecting picks from all over the globe. Each pick representing the gamble of someone's hard earned penny. But I also have another important role: Science .... Innovation .... Ensuring .... Challenges .... Ideas .... Translation .... Product .... Opportunity. Stuff. Today is a critical day for Bowl Picks. Despite some of us struggling in this Pick'em economy, there are signs that several of you could still win this thing. Today's games could make or break some of you, but no matter what happens, remember that you'll alwa