Wednesday, September 12, 2018

P-F18: Week 2 NFL Bonus - #MNFtwo'd

Monday the NFL gave us two prime-time football games, but what if the NFL genie granted us two of something else?

Most of you want MONEY. It’s been said in song that money can’t buy happiness, but it has been shown by science that money *can* buy happiness. Money can buy hot tracks, but it can’t buy sense. To I Look Good On Top (BF), Beelzebubbles (CC), 17 National Championships (CG), Something Creative (KS), and Shake and Baker (JN): Remember to practice good picking. Use your extra money on experiences, not things. (3 points)

Instead of two million or billions of dollars, I respect Dirt Burglars (DT) wish of TWO PAYCHECKS. That’s a responsible choice. He didn’t mention, but let’s assume someone with that class would also work two jobs for those two paychecks. (4 points)

Also with a mature response was Cornholio’s Bunghole (BO) (editor's note: I see the irony there now), who wanted TWO 401K’s. Stay healthy, my friend. (5 points)

Others felt a little more Charlie Sheen than Bill Gates. Bevo XV wanted TWO TOM HERMAN SEASON OPENING WINS. That stings. True homer Gigem! (AP) and Must Be The Salsa (CK) wanted TWO ASTROS WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONSHIPS. (4 points)

Two of you knew the answer to the meaning of life was buried somewhere in this game. Katy Tigers (RH) wanted TWO PICK'EMS THAT COUNTED. One before the games and one after. That sounds fair. Cockypantherfan (SZ) wanted TWO PICK'EM ACCOUNTS AND TWO FERRARIS. Two of those sound reasonable. (4 points)

It takes two to tango, it takes to hands to clap, and it takes two to make it outta sight. HeavyWeight (CR) will take TWO WOMEN (3 points). Case’s Clydesdales (MM) wants TWO CHICKS AT THE SAME [damn] TIME (3 points). Accidentchild (MN) effectively used two wishes in his answer first for TWO WOMEN, and then to undo his first wish with “NOT REALLY, ONE'S ENOUGH!” (4 points)

Big Papa’s (AM) answer needs some unpacking. His answer was “BOOBS,” and I’m not sure if *HE* wanted two boobs or if he’d like to see two boobs. I don’t want to overlook the plight of the one-boobed. (5 –sympathy- points)

Despite what I preach, not everyone is picky. Statistically Improbable (DR) is good with TWO CONCUBINES… or TWO RIBEYE STEAKS. Money could buy your happiness. (5 points, -1 point for not being picky enough)

I’m going to rank the final 7 answers, which kind of all fell into an “other” category.

#7: TWO BOWLS OF CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH - Huntwick Homies (KW)
After the first bowl, you will be fkn sick of ‘em. (3 points)

#6: SUPERPOWERS - Guru (ANe)
Smart to keep these on the down low. The X-Men will be jealous and will probably kill you. (4 points)

#5: TWO WISHES - Left Hand Scissors (GN)
Not sure if there will be a quid pro quo by the giver that doesn’t allow using the second wish for additional wishes. However, rest assured the second wish will never be used to free the genie. (4 points)

#4: TWO STARTING QBs - 2QBs or not 2QBs (CT)
A blessing or a curse, but either way, apropos for your team name. (5 points)

#3: CHANCES IN LIFEPIMP POSSEE (JB)
The best gift in life a second chance [at life!] (5 points)

#2: SATURDAYS IN A WEEKNorthside Nukes (KH)
YAAASSSS!!1! (5 points)

#1: TWO COMMAS IN MY PAYCHECK - A Northmen (ANo)
Two commas in a paycheck would mean a million dollars, which sounds practical but is actually silly and mostly unobtainable, making this my favorite answer. (6 points)