Sunday, October 13, 2019

P-F19: How Crappy is Kyler Murray? (Week 7 NFL Bonus)

Kyler Murray is so crappy.

"How crappy is he?" you say.

I'm glad you asked.

Ok look. Kyler isn't actually crappy. Most of us would trade places, and we'd be doing a way sh!ttier Kyler than Kyler is doing. But just like we've always viewed sports, and how the Internet has quickly devolved: Everything is either the worst or the best.

Kyler is rich, talented, and people genuinely love him. However for a brief moment in P-F NFL Week 7, we will take a look at just how crappy Kyler Murray is. Just remember to keep your head up Kyler, there are tons of footprints in your sand.

Like, literally crappy: (+4)

Gigem! (AP): He's a little shitty >> It's like you are afraid of commitment
Cornholio's Bunghole (BO): Crappier than a newborn's diaper. >> also, little shits
Cockypantherfan (SZ): So crappy he leaves shit stains in his underwear >> yeah butt who doesn't
General Wartz (JM): Pretty stinky >> like yesterday's diapers
Left Hand Scissors (GN): Diaper Genie >> when the wife leaves town and you wonder how full the thing can get
17 National Championships (CG): Next level crap, like hot garbage... >> I've had some next-level craps after a night a bingeing.
Dirt Burglars (DT): Probably once a day, twice a day when he eats from the Mexican food trucks. >> I see what you did there
Huntwick Hosers (KW): Kylar Murray is so crappy he looks like he has a dingleberry on top of his head. >> and now we can play everyone's favorite game: is it racist? :)
Beelzebubbles (CC): poop emoji crappy 💩

Like, figuratively crappy: (+4)

Gary 'wii mis yu' Francis (RH): Kyler Murray is so crappy, he is considering using his other hand...and I don't mean throwing the football. >> his pimp hand?
Too much pressure to come up with a name quickly (KS): Kershawlike >> fun fact, if you google "kershaw" then the first result is knives and not the disappointing Dodgers pitcher.
accidentchild (MN): Totally crappy. He did go to OU! And they SUCK!! >> you said it, not me
Lost Cause (JH): Blow U crappy >> just like MN said, everything there kinda sucks
A Northmen (ANo): pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty craptastic >> I think we can all agree that Larry David would not be impressed with anything in Norman.
Crigga88 (CR): Worse than Aids ! >> and now we can play everyone's second favorite game: is AIDS funny? :)

Like, simile to someone else: (+3)

Big Papa (AM): As crappy as his head coach >> this may just be a knock on Kingsbury, but aren't we all only as good as our leaders?
The Texans don’t need a GM (CK): Who? >> he lives in the Heisman House
Shake and Baker (JN): Not as crappy as Josh Rosen. >> misdirection
BlitzKrieg (RK): career trajectory of Robert Griffin III >> Ugh, I actually hope not 
I Look Good On Top (BF): Almost as bad a Baker Mayfield. >> I don't like what you did there
More Challenges (ANe): He’s a baseball player. >> Bo doesn't know Kyler
Commodore Nation (KH): He tosses Baker’s salad >> And this is our 5 point bonus answer

Like, he's not crappy? (+2)

Bevo XV (DW): At which sport? >> handshaking
Swampdogs (DR): 5 feet 7 and three-quarters inches worth of overation. >> I don't know about overation, but I agree that he's tiny.
SoonerTheBetter (BL): 0% Crap factor >> 100% crimson glasses



Tuesday, October 1, 2019

P-F19: What kind of Baker fan are you? (Week 3 NFL Bonus)

I think know that we all have a little Baker Mayfield crush. Do not deny it. Everyone is either (1) a huge Baker fanatic or (2) a closet Baker lover. You cannot convince me otherwise. What kind of Baker fan are you?

(1) Baker fanatics:


SoonerTheBetter (BL): Baker-is-the-greatest-QB-in-college-history-and-will-take-Tom-Brady's-place-as- the-greatest-of-all-time-in-the-NFL. That kind of fan.

Word up. I’m sure you’ll find no arguments here. +4

Shake and Baker (JN): I was the biggest of Baker fan until my wife informed me she would leave me for him.

You need to support your wife. She’s good people. +3

Beelzebubbles (CC): Like, i love love him. Like his underwear modeling is my rotating background.

He's the total package. +4

Cornholio's Bunghole (BO): Well, I'm straight, so I can't be a closet Baker lover. I must be a Baker fanatic.

Love is not logical. Love is irrational. You get it. +3

The Texans don’t need a GM (CK): Dangerous

Move over Queen Bey, it’s King Bak. +3

Cockypantherfan (SZ): Poster on the ceiling above my bed

This kind of love could be 1 or 2, but I’m going to put this in the totally not creepy fanatic bucket. +4

Dirt Burglars (DT): Homer

Some times the love apple doesn't fall far from the home tree. +3

Gary 'wii mis yu' Francis (RH): Non-closeted, negative non-cis binary/tertiary fan ever!!

YAS! +4

I Look Good On Top (BF): Huge Upside

Okrrr. I’ve never stared at his huge upside, but +3



(2) Closet Baker lovers:


More Challenges (ANe): I watch Baker Mayfield clips and then erase my browsing history.

So is this your big coming out? +4

General Wartz (JM): Hate 'em

Scientifically speaking, hate is the same emotion as love. Maybe you aren’t ready to come out yet. +3

Too much pressure to come up with a name quickly (KS): Anti baker mayfield fan

Not capitalizing his name… dead closet lover giveaway. +3

Big Papa (AM): I am the fan that knows he is 100% Douche bag!!!!!

And everyone knows bad boys are the best. +3

Bevo XV (DW): Baker who?

You know that Baker! +2

Lost Cause (JH): Baker who??

Stop playing hard to get you guys!! +2

Swampdogs (DR) The "I hope he gets a head butt to the chin and has to get his jaw wired shut" kind of fan. And that's no disrespect to Baker. I think he's a great player.

The “I want to feed him milkshakes” kind of fan. That’s not creepy. +4

Gigem! (AP): The one who enjoys watching him get run down by cops and slammed into the concrete...what a DB!

Legal porn. +4

Commodore Nation (KH): Love to hate, hate to love.

Really tears at the emotions. +3

Crigga88 (CR): He’s all HYPE

Believe it +2

Huntwick Hosers (KW): The kind that wants to seem him fail, because he just sucks a$$.

So obviously you have the closet love. +3

BlitzKrieg (RK): "He hasn't distinguished himself enough on the field in the NFL to deserve much attention from me either way. Just another middling QB right now. 2018: 27th in completion percentage, 17th in yards, tied for 3rd most interceptions, 11th in TDs"

Secret nerd love +4

A Northmen (ANo): A Cleveland Browns Baker fan, an occasional win that gives them false hope that they are finally going to be good doesn't bug me. Okay, maybe I'm not a Baker fan after all.

Sometimes it takes a little time to distill your emotions. +4

Accidentchild (MN): I will NEVER be a fan of anyone who played for OU (this better be a 5 pt response!)

A five-point closet response, for sure. +5