Thursday, September 13, 2012

NCAA Bonus: AT&T Gets the Longhorn Network. What do you do?


AUSTIN – Just forty-eight hours before the season kicked off for the Texas Longhorns, ESPN and AT&T U-verse announced a deal that brings the Longhorn Network to an additional 600,000 homes (roughly 599,950 more homes than previously in the "footprint"). The network is a 20-year, $300 million partnership between ESPN and Texas athletics that is even paying dividends on the academic side

Viewable or not, the Longhorn Network is next level media. But what do the sharp sport minds in leagues such as Pickem Dash Football think of  the AT&T deal?

"PEW! Pew Pew Pew Peeeeewwwwww!!" U-verse customer and Texas Law School Graduate Mr. Smokeypants (KH) while doing an invisible pistol routine (+4). "Why hasn't my husband ordered the damn thing for our Living Room!?" A Northmen (ANo) complained, but then made a face looking something like ": -)" (+3). "I'll probably just – uhh – 'borrow' the password of a subscriber," someone requesting to stay anonymous said.

I will "drool in envy because I don't have cable at all, and it is just another sports network I will miss out on" (+3) says Replacement Picks (ANe).

Some people are willing to go to extremes for this ground breaking media venture. Cacti3 (DCo) told us with a really serious look on his face, "I already tried to get U-verse, but it's currently not in my area. So we are moving!!!" (+4).

Some people – not so extreme. "I'll go to a buddy's house and watch game. I'm thinking it will be on most providers by next year" (+3) said One Man Wolf Pack (MF).

While it was a wonderful announcement for Longhorn fans with U-verse, reaction in the Pickem Dash Football community was definitely mixed. "DirecTV has everything, so what?" (+2) asks Pimp Possee (JBe). At press time, DirecTV did not appear to carry the Longhorn Network or the new network for all Houston Rockets and Astros games. "I'll stick with Comcast/Xfinity," (+2) says frog hunting enthusiast Gig'em! (AP)

Austin resident BlitzKrieg (RK) would rather stick with DirecTV. He's got ninety-nine problems, but a Horn is not one of those problems. "I can see UT play in person rather than on the LHN, however, I would only be able to see the Detroit Lions play a maximum of three times a season on national broadcasts" (+3). DirecTV has an even more gangsta deal with the NFL than Texas has with ESPN. AccidentChild (MN) adds "Who pays for that overpriced garbage. DirecTV" (+3), which could have two different meanings depending on if you are or aren't Bill Clinton.

"Don't give in to that BS. [Only] suckers pay to switch for two games. DirecTV rules!" (+3) exclaims McDoyle 14 National Championships (CG). He also had something to say about the news of Texas A&M's mythical championships. "Quit hatin', at least we have been claiming those titles this entire time. I would prefer [Pickem-Football.com] not compare my squad to some dipsh!t [agriculture school]. Good day to you." The P-F commissioner was unavailable for comment.

"Block the channel," "ask for a refund," "boycott," and "get a penicillin shot and sleep with her sister" were common responses when we polled guys named JoeMama_TheGreek (JHu), Naked Bootleggers (JN), Monsters of the Midway (JBi), and Double D (DD) (+2).

The Pickem Dash Football community is known for its refinement and focus on quality, so it wasn't a surprise to hear TXH8R (DT) say "If AT&T U-verse is anything like their wireless it won't matter...the picture will freeze up and you will miss most of the games and shows because of their crappy network" (+3)

AT&T has a notoriously bad wireless network. 

"Just because they offer it doesn't mean it will be working when the game is on," experienced AT&T consumer SITKNM (JHa) adds (+3). Bourbon Street Bounty Hunters (JC) has an interesting way of processing the LHN news. "I go read this article each time AT&T drops my call… and giggle" (+2). It's all hearsay at the moment, but apparently the fourteen team strong Southeastern Conference is more valuable than a single university.

In the face of all the euphoria, outrage, and/or confusion in the United States of America, some people were completely unfazed by the LHN news. I will just "go to the Fox and Hound on Westheimer and watch the 'Bama game," (+3) said new Alabama fan Beelzebubbles (CCo). "Sorry but Longhorn football hasn't been supper (sp) exciting to watch since Vince Young," (+3) adds an LSU Tiger, The Mad Bomber (KZ). A local street rapper going by the name of Chumlee Banditos (KP) chimed in: "I don't care. I'm a Baylor Bear" (+4). He then shook his derriere, gave a prayer, and with a stare, said "ARRRRGHHHH!"

Levain's Cookies (A-C) said at the exact same time, like you see identical twins often do: "We will 1) Watch the Aggies get blown out of the SEC. 2) Pick-out our outfit for the Texans game. 3) Preview the Sunday Ticket game-mix on DirecTV" (+3).

"I invented the Erin Andrews filled snack food, suck it Cowboys," says Large Donkey IPA (KS), obviously pandering for something unknown to this reporter (+4).

The despite similar negotiations for sports networks like the NFL Network, Big Ten Network, and ESPNU, the process is still queer and confusing to the average television sports enthusiast. LSU graduate and language inventor, Kentucky Wildmen (GF), felt a little of both. "I don't know. I would still be shaking my head that it has taken this long just to pick up a carrier. Doesn't sound like this part was well thought out. But alas, this only pertains to the Big 12 so it is of little concern to me. Go SEC" (+3). "The checks have been clearing every month," countered an anonymous bystander. WhoDat4Life (Lo) recommends ESPN "heavily advertise in the College Station area for sh!ts and giggles" (+3). "BUTT BURN in College Statioin!!!" yells another guy nearby. Old Ag, The Chex Mixers (KW), says he won't watch it. "I don't feel like vomiting out of control" (+3).

"BUTT BURN!!!"

Team Awesome (SE) simply had no comment (+0)

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