Sunday, October 4, 2009

P-F09: Week 5 NCAA Bonus Results - What Is Your Intro Music?

In Week 3, I asked the following...

If you were coming out of the tunnel onto the field before the Pick'em contest, what would your Intro/Theme music be?


After getting your responses, I started putting together this blog post and writing something for everyone's intro. However, 20 intros proved too much to write. Also, there was not a very good way to evaluate the song choices, so therefore I gave everyone 3 points for Week 3.

For Week 5, you guys were asked to write your own intros (a la Craig Kilborn, Doogie Howser on the Emmy's). The bonus points for this week will be scored (0-5) on my evaluation of the intro "experience" (combination of your intro and song choice). Enjoy the results below. For the full experience, hit play on the video and then imagine the a "Good God Almighty, that's [player's] theme music!!!" introduction.
(some intros edited at the Commissioner's Office discretion)

CG - 12 National Championships (+3)
Eric B. & Rakim - I Ain't No Joke


"...and now, hailing from the great state of Texas, last years co-champ in the NCAA picks, the number one Alabama fan in the country here to defend his title, CURTIS BLOW!!!"

A-C - Amy/Carrie (+2)
O.A.R. - This Town


"Every girl wants to be her and every guy wants to date her. Don't hate her because she's beautiful, hate her because she's good.

Let's hear it for the world's first supermodel genious [sic], Carrie Fran Krasner!!!!"

CJ - Beelzebubbles (+2)
Lords of Acid - Darling Come Here I Sit On Acid


Her name is Crystal (fans scream "yeah!")
She knows karate (fans scream "yeah!")
If you don't believe it (fans scream "yeah!")
Check out her body ("fans scream "yeah!")

I really wanted to give negative points for 1.) Not getting the song title correct, and 2.) Picking a song with the lyrics "Darling, come here - f*&# me up the... Sit on your face. I wanna sit on your face"

JN - Naked Bootleggers (+0)
some ou crap
Thunderstruck faded into tornado sirens going off, since I'm in Oklahoma of course.

I couldn't find that crap, but I did find this masterpiece... no, not a parody piece... this is genuine.


(PA Announcer Silence)


DB - Fighting Farmers (+0)
Metallica - Wherever I May Roam


(PA Announcer Silence)


JHo - Demons (+1)
AC/DC - Back in Black



A winnnnnnnerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
(it ain't braggin' if it's true... I guess)

BD - Bobs Bobcats (+0)
Queen - We Will Rock You


(PA Announcer Silence)


JHa - I Will Beat Bob and Gary (+0)
Survivor - Eye of the Tiger


(PA Announcer Silence)


GF - Six Six in Shoes (+0)
Queen - Princes of the Universe


(PA Announcer Silence)


DW - Bevo XIV (+4)
Eminem - Lose Yourself



And now...introducing...the engineer from ESCG, the hustler from Hagerstown, the player from Pasadena, the big man from the Bay Area, the one and only Brew-drinking Bevo XIV!


AN - The Motherload (+4)
Michael Jackson - Beat It


(PA Announcer Silence)
THE SCENE:
[Two minutes of hard hitting highlights as the music gets louder then shooting flames erupt out of the top of the scoreboard and smoke fills the stadium as the team runs out to a standing ovation. Then more shooting flames and fireworks. (yup I love fire). Then a big fire hoop the the teams runs through to the opposite end zone. Then the team mascot runs and jumps through the hoop as the fire shoots out in all directions in a big round fireball circle. By the end the grass is black adn burnt and there is so much smoke you can't see but the excitement is just beyond words. Yeah, like that!]


RH - Los Tigeres (+3)
Beethoven's Fifth Symphony



Da Da Duh
Da Da Duh
Da Da Duh Duh Da Da Duh
I need a beer.



GN - Ferments-A-Lot (+4)
Jamie Kennedy - Mattress Mack



Representing H-town like an Aggie reps animal lovin', like a dirt burglar reps fried bologna on the buffet, like Brett Favre reps uncertainty. He doesn't get paid for this Pick'em stuff, unless you count all that time at work he spends maintaining the league and providing updates. He's no Geto Boy, but his rhymes will make your mind play tricks on you. Mattress mackin' till the day that he dies... He likes big beers and he can not lie... he's Ferrrrrrments-A-Looooooooooot.


JC - Justin's Team (+3)
Rocky Theme (cuz this shiznit is a slugfest every week)



And now, straight from the slums of The Woodlands, in his second year, fighting out of the green corner, with creativity that is evident through the very thoughtful team name, please welcome Justin's Team!!!


CC - Novacain (+3)
Young Jeezy - I Put On



And now, measuring 6'4" and weighing in at 190 lbs., the man in the middle, the Nostradamus of football prognostication, the Austin assassin, two-time defending pick'em champion: Novacain!


KW - Dallas D-Bags (+4)
AMG - Rigamarole
(I couldn't find Rigamarole online, so I went ahead and selected Vertical Joyride for you)


During an awards show I rush the stage, wearing Kool Mo Dee sunglasses and lederhosen, and as soon as it's time for a teenager to make her acceptance speech, I tear the microphone away from her hand and proclaim, "Honey, your video was good, but everyone knows that 2Pac's California Love was the best video." Then as I walk off stage my AMG theme song begins as I display double rods to the booing crowd.


KS - DonkeyStyle (+2)
GNR Patience to start followed abruptly by Let the Bodies hit the floor



yeh gustos in the mutherfuckin house with my man dead mike we break the mutherfuckers off 24/7 so check this shit out ay yo gusto.. wussup.. kick that shit.. straight outta locash a crazy mutherfucker named gusto ill fuck ya wife cuz the bitch is a big ho ill fuck ya sista ill fuck ya cat i would fuck ya mom but the bitch is too fat when im in ya neighbourhood ya better dig em up coz im comin to slit ya mutherfuckin throat blood is drippin.. im not trippin.. bitches panties is what im rippin rollin' faster than a mutherfuckin dirtbike never met a peice of pussy that i didnt like like to eat it.. like to suck it.. take ya shit and ill fuck it straight outta locash (crazy mutherfuckers.. haha.. yeh) where you from nigga need ta get ready coz ya goin for a long hike off a cliff im drivin you over now ya dead with ya four leaf clover float like cannonball.. sting like a shark im the nigga waitin for ya in the dark waitin to rob you.. waitin to beat you a bullet in ya head is how i greet you a villain with a hat and its like that i tie your mom to a mutherfuckin train track flat on her back.. i gave her some crack its 10 o'clock.. do you know where your moms is at at my house (doin what) wipin her ass she had to move straight outta locash

(yet he doesn't pick Straight Outta Locash as his song)


KZ - Suck It #15 (+0)
Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance



umm. I don't have enough time for this, sorry. Oh, and I'm too cool. this is gay :)
(and then the Mad Bomber walks out to a booing crowd... and to no bonus points... she probably cheered for Tebow's injury too)


RK - BlitzKrieg (+3)
BDP - Jack of Spades



(PA Announcer Silent)
[For my original choice of 'Jack of Spades' it would have been: "...it's my theme music, every good hero should have some" with BDP in tow. Now, with the way my picks have gone this year, I think the song should be 'Yakety Sax'. Instead of having the old, short guy with a hairpiece chase hot chicks around park benches in fast motion to the tune, he would chase and catch me, then beat me upside the head with a Cain. In fast forward. Repeatedly.]


KH - Mr. Smokey Pants (+5)
Kool Moe Dee - I Go To Work



Off of my big train.
Blow the whistle -- I bring pain.
Time to play the game.


To wrap this puppy up... here is a bonus intro for you guys. Maybe the best sports intro of all time.

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