Monday, October 6, 2008

Your Bailout Plan - Vote

Preface:
It is time to vote on that bailout measure. Below are the full text answers given for our bonus questions. I couldn't find a poll widget that allowed me more than 10 voting options and it was hard to find one that allowed a lot of characters for each answer, sooooo... I had to use my commissioner's seat to do a little pre-screening of these things. 3 of the league's answers aren't in the poll, but are included below in text. If you *really* want to vote for one of the bailout plans not listed in the poll, you can "write in" a vote in the comment section of this post.


Bonus Question:
Since the Senate is revising the bailout bill, what would you like them to include that would benefit you directly instead of just Wall Street? (1 Pt for answering; 5 Pts max)


Bailout Plans:
(as submitted... in no particular order)
  • A red hot poker up the rectums of Bernanke, Paulson, and the CEOs of Goldman Sachs & JP Morgan.
  • A small slice of the pie for McCain if he promises to never tell another one of his POW/war stories in an interview or debate. WE KNOW, YOU WERE CAPTURED AND TORTURED IN VIETNAM. I'VE HEARD THE STORY IN EVERY SPEECH YOU AND YOUR PUPPET PALIN HAVE GIVEN.
  • I just purchased a new 52 inch 1080p from Conn's…wonder why they go by that name? Ahhh but ESPn never looked sooo good…anyway bail me out on my "you've been conned" bill.
  • The bill to include annual subscriptions to all sports packages on Direct TV.
  • The government needs to bailout and takeover control of self given nicknames teams that have fallen into suckitude, but still insist on using the nickname. The bailout will begin with the Blackshirts and the Wrecking Crew and move on as needed. Details of the plan can be found in the soon to be published "T-Bone" Report.
  • People who aren't fucking loser douche bags who actually pay their mortgage and don't overextend themselves financially get a free pass to the all you can eat Erin Andrews' filled kolache buffet.
  • Give the bonuses of all financial firms' CEOs that failed directly to me. And then for punishment, they all have to relocate to Trenton, NJ, and ride the NJ Transit to work.
  • Elimination of income tax for incomes under $200K.
  • NYT, 09/21/08: "...Wall Street began looking for ways to profit from it. Financial firms were lobbying to have all manner of troubled investments covered, not just those related to mortgages... Nobody wants to be left out of Treasury’s proposal to buy up bad assets of financial institutions." I would benefit directly by being included on the list of the select few that are allowed to loot the U.S. Treasury of every dollar possible.
  • I've always been in favor of an employer provided "health and wellness" account of sort. The money can be applied towards massages, manicures etc. which would stimulate the economy and increase mood and productivity in the workplace.
  • Everyone gets 1 BILLion Dollars :-)
  • To be able to see Russia from MY house.
  • 100 million to purchase a new Texans team that can win a game.
  • Require an intelligence test for people to reproduce, if you're a poor dumbass, no kids. The slogan would be, "If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em."

The Vote
Choose which plan you want to support. I'll assign bonus points based on the vote, but using my executive position make the final decisions. Don't go stuffing the ballot either. IP addesses are logged on the site, but seriously, I'm not going to go back through all that stuff unless I get like 100 votes for one of the options. I also encourage you not to vote for your own plan, but I'm not enforcing that at all. Polls close on Wednesday at noon, so don't procrastinate. GET OUT AND VOTE! (or umm... click below)


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