Monday, January 11, 2010

2009 National Championship - Not Yo Momma's BCS Game

I somehow never managed to write anything on the Bowl Challenge posts for the championship game. Of course on Thursday night I was preoccupied, but the fact is I hadn't wrote anything on the GMAC Bowl the day before either. Dave locked up the contest the night before the BCS Championship and quite frankly, I didn't know what to put for my thoughts on the game... still don't.

It's known 'round these parts that I'm a Longhorn and things didn't go the way I wanted them to go on January 7th. The championship game was certainly no 2006 Rose Bowl nor was it even the Tebow/Bradford slug-fest (emphasis on slugs) from 2009. What we were given was a game where Saban looked mortal, McCoy's arm was deactivated, and neither offense did jack bleep for the majority of the game. To top it off, in my household, the ladies went down before the game to a violent sort of stomach virus. For a good part of the game I found myself looking for interesting places to set down my beer en route to "holding hair" (that's teamwork my friends). By the end of the game, everyone was asleep.

Between the hair holding, drinking, and reluctant game watching, sometime mid-game I started texting Kirby about Texas' offensive woes. I was emotionally down, nearing six beers deep. In the absence of, in my opinion, the one player that was the most valuable to his team in college football this year, Texas was done. Make no mistake, I think Texas' offensive coordinator called a terrible game in McCoy's absence, and the offensive line coach should be shown the door for years of incompetence.

But it is what it is.

If by chance friends or family of young Garrett Gilbert find their way to this site, understand the following has nothing to do with the kid... these are like "your momma" jokes, only about how much Gilbert sucks... and it was damn therapeutic y'all. Just sayin'.

G: Gilbert is the suckiest suck that ever sucked

G: Gilbert grew up on Suck Road in Suckville

G: Gilbert just called an audible from suck and ran suckier

G: Gilbert went to Vegas and doubled down on suck

K: After Gilbert crapped out

G: Gilbert will suck just to hook up strangers with crack

G: Gilbert prefers drinks with straws, for obvious reasons

K: Despite his awful throws, I heard Gilbert tosses a good salad

G: Gilbert likes vampire movies

K: I heard they named a vacuum after him

K: I heard he had his ribs removed

G: Gilbert has the Chief's field goal kicker on his fantasy team

G: Gilbert and the refs grew up on the same street

G: Gilbert actually completely disappears when standing near Greg Davis' black hole of suck

G: I've Gilbert'ed down a lot of beer this game (note: Red Hook ESB, 2 Magic Hat #9's, 3 Dale's Pale Ales at this point)

G: Gilbert blows Gabriel's horn

G: Gilbert's favorite movie is "Blow"

G: Gilbert's favorite band is Hootie

K: Gilbert likes lollipops

K: (note: off topic, but funny) Colt apparently doesn't know the saying: "Jesus don't tap"

K: I bought an aquarium today and it came with two little fish called Gilberts that stick to the glass and keep it clean

K: My dental hygienist is very generous with the Gilbert so I don't choke on my own spit

G: The TV spin-off "Joey" became Facebook friends with Gilbert after the game

G: The Raiders already have Gilbert on their draft board

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