P-F25 Week 7 NCAA Bonus: What's Wrong With Arch?

[PA Chime]

This is your captain speaking. I’m not sure if you’ve seen from the seatback entertainment this flight, but the Texas passing game has problems. 

At Pick’em Dash Football Airlines, we solve all problems mid-air and by committee -- so what’s wrong with Arch?

The initial advice was more back-of-the-airplane-beverage napkin. Swamp Dogs (DR) suggests “run the ball.” Shot Callers (RD) blames the sidelines with "Sark play calling." Feels accurate. Bevo XV (DW) demanded a nostalgic reroute: “Bring back David Ash.” Wookie Cookies (KH) left us with a mid-season obit or a really great comeback movie: "Fallen."

What happens when "his line is straight trash, and the dude is seeing ghosts. He'll be 'aight." 18 National Championships (CG) knows that kind of play doesn't cut it year after year in the SEC. 

I assume TEAMNAME (BR) was also alluding to o-line issues, although what came through on the form was "O♧", and I'm not sure what it means, but it somehow feels profound.

Queenbspice (CC) peeked into the Dr. Scholl playbook with the diagnosis: one flat foot, one arched.

Some were brutal. Aint Nothin but an Aint (KS) chose violence and added "well he’s not good at football to start. He will probably transfer to UCF win the Heisman and get drafted in top 10 by the Raiders and then do nothing in the NFL." That sounds like the American Dream to me. Jerry’s Gerrymander-ers (KW) adds "He ain’t that good, dawg. He’s young, and unfortunately for him, overrated. With that said, I bet he beats my dear ol’ Aggies." Reverse jinxes are a sign of weakness ;).

Pure Random Cubed (CN), ever our chaos theorist, makes a good point about his coin flip strategy: “Tails never fails… except Arch keeps using heads.”

Of course, maybe nothing is wrong with Arch at all. Maybe it is just everyone else. A Northmen (AN), Accidentchild (MN), and Mediocrity (RH) all want the cabin to calm the hell down.

Several of you made some key insights:

• Bite a Kneecap Offs (RK): His pants are too tight
• Unsolicited Dicker Kics (MK): His elephant ears
• Far Left Handed (GN): It’s the new NIL glasses
• Cuernos Largos (CT): He's adopted

Eleven Verticals (ON) nailed it though. “It’s the government shutdown. Since the shutdown, Arch hasn’t been able to access the playbook.” 

And there you have it. Arch’s problems might be many, but all of us cruising at 30,000 feet can see it pretty clearly. You may now roam around the cabin.