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P-F22: Week 3 NCAA Bonus - Should the SEC just have a lower division and we all just play to get promoted/not relegated?

When will the SEC become the only college football brand? Do conferences (more or less) make football (more or less) better? In our current connected world with steaming television, social media, and pick’em leagues communicating over emails and blogs, I’d say conferences aren’t that important. When you combine the memories of the SWC and the Big 8, you saw we got a new conference that meant less to those members and nothing to almost anywhere else. And sometimes your parents make you play with the weird kid too, and he grows up with the confidence to murder, rape, and shiplap his people. What now? Texas and Oklahoma made the same decision a dozen schools did before them, but I’d argue neither of those schools cares much about the destination, as long as it isn’t another conference graveyard.  Whether you’ve convinced yourself yet or not, continuing the traditional conference model works against the natural order of solidarity and sporting merit. How about instead of political and regi
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P-F22: The Essential Guide to Joining Pick’em Dash Football 2022

The last thing we all want is some confusing and rambling monologue to convince you to sign up for a pick’em game. I feel you, and I did some research before writing this year’s recruitment email. This will be your definitive guide to Pick’em Dash Football ‘22.  The internet is filled with advice on how to do stuff. Naturally while preparing for the start of this season, I turned to Google: “what is the best way to convince a large crowd to play your made-up game.” After combing through the 46M+ hits, most were results for icebreakers. But isn’t the best part about an online game is that we don’t *really* have to hang out. For some of you, the promise of fun all by yourself (and this powerful registration link ) is all the icebreaker you need. Stay frosty, you guys.   (Can we still say “you guys” in 2022? Is there a better gender-less term? I’m open to ideas, but I think we can all agree “you guys” feels too good to be wrong.)  "'Tis better to have picked and lost than never t

P-F21: Week 10 NFL Bonus - Baseball is over, now what?

Losing baseball season isn’t like losing football, but it can still be a difficult event for some. While we are deprived of baseball season’s physical presence, we can still reconcile -- you know what, we’ll figure it out. Below are some ways you are honoring the memory or just moving right along. Sleep Astros! (AP): “Go to sleep on time during the week!” (3)  -- apparently you aren’t into MACtion Beelzebubbles (CC): “Now I can get some decent sleep during the work week” (3) More time for football 18 National Championships (CG): “Plenty of football and golf” (2) Bite a Kneecap Offs (RK): “MACtion!” (4) -- yes! Holiday, celebrate! Masks [ON]/OFF (RH): “Fried turkey, gravy and pie, oh my!!” (5) -- love this answer Swamp Dogs (DR): “Christmas!!! Put up that tree!” (3) Any (other) sport will do A Northmen (AN): “bout time to focus on the real sport, table tennis!!” (4) -- feels like a baseball slight T-Horns Fall (AM): “Water polo season is here” (4)  -- I'm on to you guys Hun

P-F21: Week 7 NFL Bonus: Best news of the year!

It’s a mad world. Let’s parse out some good. Everyone gets POSITIVE bonus scores! (One thing though. I forgot to add “in the NFL” to my bonus question, but maybe you guys behaved yourselves) A Northmen (AN): “Brittney's dad will no longer be her conservator! #freebritney” She went on with a bunch of crap about TSwift, but I’ll spare you. On Brit, of course, she should have the right the fk up her life. That’s great news! +4 T-Horns (AM): “Matt Jones developing earlier than expected.” Wait, are we talking about Mac Jones? +2? Astros! (AP): “OU/Texas coming to the SEC!” This is great news. See what happened is Texas got in OU’s head, then Texas “Trojan Horsed” their themselves in the SEC, where Texas will then ruin the SEC from the inside. +3 Buddy the Chimp (BC): “Bananas.” Buddy, you get bananas all the time. Dream bigger. +3 Cornholio's Bunghole (BO): “Just destroying America is not enough for Joe Biden, so he destroyed Afghanistan. I wonder what country will be ne

P-F21: Week 6 NCAA Bonus - Positivity Leaders

Many times you can’t control what happens to you, but you can always control your reaction to what’s happening. Everybody, even Alabama fans, deals with setbacks. How do wrap your head around a place like College Station? The answer is a positive attitude. I struggle with depression nearly every year in mid-October, but I’ve learned to look at the better side of these events. Someone on the internet may say a positive attitude will cure disease. If it can do that, then it can no doubt lead to better picks. This was your goal this week, and we practiced on the universally loved but historically disappointed Longhorns and Sooners. Are the Longhorns hurting inside? Secretly. The Sooners? If money can’t buy you love, then do you think wins can? It is hate week for Sooners and Longhorns. Since all the fans will be filled with hate, say something nice to one or both of the fan bases. Positive Leadership A Northmen (AN) – “Thank you for putting the horns down, it means you hate us m

P-F21: Week 2 NCAA Bonus - Bad Pick Vaccine

Pick hesitancy is real, and the so-called sports experts have littered the internet and media airwaves with misinformation. Need further proof, authorities in Vegas were only correct on 26.67% of picks affecting our league. But there is hope. Astronaut Jeff Bezos is rumored to be developing a vaccine that, during phase one testing, is improving picks in adult humans and chimps to 40+%. As an added benefit, Bezos is including a proprietary and permanent gene-modified signature that will apply Prime Savings to everything you purchase. Given the proven weakness of our collective picks and the inability to trust Vegas authorities, will irrationality and cynicism rooted in our trust of numbers keep us from getting jabbed en masse? We asked around the league to find out. PRIME NOW Some were clearly exited. We found A Northmen (ANo) camped outside the Amazon clinic with an “In Prime We Trust!” tshirt (2) . Rabid football fan Astros! (AP) and Swamp Dogs (DR) both yelled from their clinic ta

P-F21: Dear Future Self, These 21 Thoughts Are Why You Are Glad You Read the Official Pick'em Dash Football ’21 Annual Recruitment Post

1 I once watched this planetarium show on dark matter. I’m familiar with matter. I’m not saying current or future me could define it, but it is like -- stuff. However dark matter isn’t the dark stuff. Dark matter is like all the other stuff that we aren’t familiar with, and on top of that, apparently the universe contains an unknown amount of matter that we cannot observe! 2 Speaking of matter, small wins matter. Not only do small wins add up to major accomplishments, but small wins have also been shown to give enormous emotional boosts. (I think you see where I am going with this.) 3 Enough said. I am ready to sign up at 3, and I am ready to fill out the registration form . 4 Each year we play 4 games that are guaranteed to keep your weekends interesting from the end of August until mid-February. 5 Game #1: NCAA Pick’em (played against the spread) 15 games per week Games will list a point spread for you to pick against Contest represents approximately 1/3 of the registration pot; Both